


Being Horny

by Rattlesnake



Category: Daryl - Fandom, Rickyl - Fandom, Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Post Terminus, Rain, Rickyl, Season/Series 05, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-02-09 10:55:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 27,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1980267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Being horny hasn't been on the list of Daryl's problems for quite a while now. But recently things have changed and his affection for a former sheriff may or may not have something to do with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Tenderness of Wolves

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after the group has escaped Terminus.

“I’m gonna go hunt.” Daryl got up and shouldered his crossbow. He didn’t wait for anyone to interfere, before he left the room they were all huddled in together. Most of them didn’t even look up. They were tired, hungry, exhausted from living on the road again. Carol gave him a short nod. Judith was asleep in her arms.

Carl gave him a hopeful look. “A deer please.” 

Rick got up to follow him to the door. “Take care”, he said and put a hand on his shoulder. There was that look of severity in his eyes that Daryl had gotten used to.  
He nodded but didn’t answer. For a while now Rick seemed to feel the need to always remind him of being alert. As if he ever wasn’t. But he knew that Rick was more anxious about them now, since they’d all been separated. And being captured in Terminus had not changed anything about that.  
He went through the door and Rick locked it behind him. He got Rick’s fear. Leaving the group every now and then was something he couldn’t refrain from, however. And it had another reason apart from the necessity to hunt. 

He took in the landscape, making sure there weren’t any stray walkers which had gotten through the fences of the farm house they were currently using as camp. The fences weren’t secure and as they weren’t planning on staying they hadn’t fixed them. They were still on the move and they would be for quite a while. Washington was their next goal.

There were no walkers in sight and Daryl crossed the lawn until he came to one of the wire fences. With one look back at the house he ducked under it. He strode over to the little grove he had seen earlier when they arrived.  
Being horny hadn’t been on Daryl’s list of problems for quite a while now. Dealing with Zombies and keeping a group alive that was constantly dealing with relationship issues and questions of leadership had been enough to keep him occupied for months. In fact he still didn’t quite get why he had grown so attached to them, considering he’d always been a loner before. But then of course there was Rick, and Daryl strongly suspected that he had a lot to do with the fact he was still around and planning on staying. 

Feeling randy wasn’t an altogether displeasing feeling, not at all. He wasn’t really complaining. On the other hand he didn’t really know what to do about it. Yeah, of course he could take care of it on his own and he had done so on a number of occasions. He’d jerk off whenever he could get some time alone which was rare enough, being on the road again. Relative privacy had been one of the advantages of the prison. Maybe the one he missed most in hindsight. He knew that the condition he was currently in wasn’t really helping his situation. Every hunter knew that animals in heat were easier to shoot because they were less cautious, distracted. Same counted for humans, he supposed. So he would really have to do something about it in the long run. 

Unfortunately jerking off didn’t seem to be enough anymore. He didn’t get it because for years now sex hadn’t really been an issue. Before the apocalypse he’d had the occasional one night stand and apart from that his right hand had served him just fine. And since the world was swarming with walkers, which was really a major turn-off, sex had been even less in his thoughts. But now it was back, bigger and more urgent than ever before and he didn’t know how to deal with it. 

He reminded himself that he had to be careful. More careful than ever if he didn’t want a group of walkers interrupting what he was about to do. Would be plain embarrassing to be found half eaten with his pants down to his knees, clutching his dick. He couldn’t go down like that. He stood completely still for a while, before he entered the grove. Watching, listening, crossbow at the ready. He heard a rustling of leaves and very quietly moved in that direction. But it was just a magpie.  
Daryl moved further into the small forest and looked back at the house. The location was fine. He could still make the farm house out through the trees but it was far enough away. No one would see him from there. Not for the first time he asked himself how the others did it. Well, Glenn and Maggie weren’t always too subtle and there’d been times when he had heard them. Annoying brats. Some of the other guys found excuses too, to leave the group for a while and he had his suspicions. Maybe the girls were just more cunning or quiet.

But what about Rick? He never left the group anymore. He never let Carl and Judith out of his sight and he was constantly on edge, never letting his guard down for a minute. There was no way in hell he was ever getting any relief. Not that it was any of Daryl’s business but he couldn’t help wondering. Could be possible that Rick had completely lost his sex drive after what he’d been through recently. But somehow Daryl doubted it. There was something about him that Daryl couldn’t quite grasp. Some kind of electricity or energy that the man emanated and that told him Rick still thought about it. Still needed it. It was in his eyes sometimes, in the way his lean body moved. Even if Rick might not be aware of it himself right now. Not for the first time Daryl told himself that he was way out of line to think about his friend – his brother as Rick had called him – in that way. He leaned against an oak-tree with his left hand for support and opened the button of his pants with his right. Then again thoughts didn’t hurt anybody. 

He unzipped and bit his lower lip when he groped his cock through the cotton of his underwear. It had been a while since he’d last gotten some private time. They’d slept in the open and he hadn’t dared to leave the group alone. He was really ready for it now. Moaning lightly he freed his dick and started stroking it slow and even. His eyes were still fixed on the house. “So how do you do it Rick?” he thought. “Or how did you do it before your whole life went to hell? I bet with a wife like Lori you were quite reliant on your right hand, too. Can’t really see you taking a lover. Did your sex life suck? Were you horny often?”  
It was surely wrong to think about the sex life his friend had had with his now deceased wife but he couldn’t really refrain from it. The thought of Rick needy and desperate and relying on himself for relief had him all hot and bothered for some reason. He closed his eyes, increased his speed and hardened the grip of his hand. His knees went weak and he had to lean into the oak, rough bark scratching his shoulder. It was not artful or subtle but it brought him off alright. He came against the bark of the tree, moaning softly, left hand clenching.

His guilty conscience hit him immediately afterwards. It was one thing that he used hunting time to pleasure himself. It was only human. Using Rick for it in any way however wasn’t fair. He knew the other man would be shocked, probably even disgusted. But Daryl’s sexuality had always been fucked somehow. He’d always been drawn to men like Rick. Men who were strong and obstinate but took care of those they loved. Maybe it was some twisted father or brother complex, because his father had been nothing but a mean and brutal drunkard while Merle had actually taken care of him on the best of days and treated him like shit on the worst. He craved the feeling of being important for someone like Rick, of having his respect. And Rick had shown him respect, had made him a valuable part of his group and told him on numerous occasions that he needed him. Nothing else got to Daryl like that. Whenever Rick used those words on him he just couldn’t resist him. When Rick had planned to hand Michonne over to the governor, when he’d asked him to stay with him after Daryl had learned that his brother was in Woodbury, when he’d told him he’d sent Carol away… Every single time he had looked Daryl in the eye and told him that he needed him. And Daryl had felt how much he meant it. He’d chosen Rick over all of them. Damn, he needed Rick to need him. Needed it so fucking much, more than anything else in the world. And somehow that sensation had turned into this strange sexual attraction that he felt now and had to deal with somehow. Life had been a hell of a lot easier when his sex drive had been down to zero.

He drew his crossbow and reminded himself that just now he had done nothing to earn Rick’s respect. He’d hunt now to make up for it and at least get them some squirrels or a rabbit for dinner.

*  
Rick was plain exhausted. Anyone with eyes in their heads could see that, but Daryl guessed that the others were just too occupied with their own fatigue. The doors and windows of the farm house were locked for the night and they were all assembled in the living room around some candles on the floor. Daryl had checked the house twice with Michonne. They’d be safe for the night.

Daryl had his eyes on Rick. Shadows from the candles were dancing across his face, making it seem more lined and haggard. His cheekbones were very prominent and his red lips were thin and dry. There were deep shadows under his eyes. He rubbed his face with both hands and Daryl saw that he could hardly keep his eyes open. He hadn’t eaten again tonight, giving his share to Carl, who was now huddled on the ground under a blanket between Rick and Michonne. Rick probably wouldn’t sleep again, even though it was Michonne’s turn to keep watch for the first two hours and if you could count on anyone to keep them safe it was her.  
“Rick?” Daryl asked quietly and Rick’s tired eyes needed a moment to find him over the light of the candles.  
“Come with me?” Daryl asked.  
“What is it?” Rick sounded strained.  
“Just wanna talk about somethin’.”  
Rick glanced at Carl.  
“I’ll watch him”, Michonne said. “Don’t worry.”  
Judith was sleeping in Carol’s arms who was huddled up on the sofa, Tyreese next to her on the floor. The rest of their group was strewn around the room, some of them talking quietly to each other. It looked peaceful. Rick apparently made up his mind, got up and followed Daryl up the stairs a little unsteadily. He clung to the banister.

Daryl opened the door to one of the bedrooms they’d found earlier when inspecting the house. He motioned for Rick to come inside. The room was clean apart from a few spider webs in the corners. The bed was made and had white sheets that had only a slight layer of dust on them. Daryl brushed them clean with one arm. “Lie down”, he said.

Rick stood in the middle of the room, his arms hanging down at his sides, his eyes bloodshot. He eyed the bed and then Daryl as if he didn’t understand at all. He looked ready to keel over.

Daryl sighed, stepped from one foot on the other. “You need rest, man. Real rest. This bed is for you. I’ll keep watch.” He let himself fall down in the armchair in one corner of the room and propped his feet up on a small bookshelf. “Lie down.”  
Rick looked at the bed again and Daryl could swear that for a moment there was the ghost of a smile on his face. Then he took a step back, almost as if the bed was alive and threatening to launch at him. “Can’t”, he said. “I can’t sleep. It’s too dangerous.”  
“We’re okay for the night”, Daryl said. “We checked the perimeter, remember? No herds.”  
“It’ll be my turn to keep watch in four hours.”

“I’ll wake you up”, Daryl said, knowing full well that he wouldn’t.

Rick put both hands to his head, raked them through his hair and looked at Daryl again. “Everyone’s tired”, he said. “It’s not only me.”  
“Ah been watching you”, Daryl said. “Didn’t get more than maybe five hours sleep in the last couple days. We need you alive, man, not another walker.”  
And just like that Rick relented. He took two steps to the bed and fell on the covers as if he’d been shot. Daryl watched him when his head sank back into the pillow and it was a relief to see him relax, to see him let go. His features evened out immediately and he breathed in deeply. “I guess I do need this”, he whispered. His eyes closed as if the lids were made from lead and a slight tremor ran through his body, before he relaxed again.  
Just when Daryl thought he’d fallen asleep like a stone, Rick shot up from the bed and his hand flew to the holster at his hip. “They’re here. They’re in the house.” He pulled his gun, his body so tense every strain of muscle in his arm and neck showed.

“Rick”, Daryl said, getting up. “Nobody’s here.” He went over to the bed, moving slowly as not to startle Rick more. Rick’s head turned in his direction. His eyes focused on Daryl after a moment and he gradually relaxed.  
Daryl took the gun from Rick, putting it on the nightstand. “You’re safe.”  
“They came when I had just fallen asleep”, Rick whispered, eyes on the door again. “I got under the bed. I thought I was done. I thought they’d kill Carl and Michonne when they came back.”

Daryl realized he must be talking about his encounter with Joe’s group. The memory that he’d been with a group that had actually tried to kill Rick still made him nauseous. He couldn’t forgive himself. Couldn’t get over the fact that he hadn’t been able to do anything for Rick, when they finally found him. Rick had been the one who’d saved them all. And even though he knew that Rick’s priority had been Carl he still sometimes thought that Rick had claimed him back from Joe. It felt that way, even though it might not be true.

He sat down on the bed next to Rick. “They can’t get to you”, he said. “You’re okay. I’ll be here. I’ll keep watch.”  
Rick’s eyes darted to his face and Daryl could see some of the tautness leaving his body. “Okay”, he finally said. He sank down on his pillow, turned on his right side so he was facing Daryl. His eyelids drooped shut again. His breathing slowed down almost visibly. It was obvious that his fatigue completely overwhelmed him.  
Daryl waited until he was sure that the man had fallen asleep. Then he pulled the covers from the other side of the bed over him a bit awkwardly. But it would be enough to keep him warm. The bed was less comfortable than the armchair when you sat on it but he somehow felt that his proximity might becalming for Rick. And he wanted to be right there if he dreamed again. It’s what you did for your brother after all. He had his crossbow on his knees and watched Rick’s face in the moonlight. He looked much younger when he was asleep. His features were more relaxed and he seemed less pale. 

Daryl slowly reached out one hand and very lightly touched Rick’s forehead, brushing back his hair. This was something he had never allowed himself when Rick was awake. There’d been brotherly hugs, he’d patted his stomach and he always liked being close to Rick. But gentle touches were out of line between them. He knew that. What he was doing wasn’t right but he also couldn’t resist. There was almost no gentleness left in the world anymore. And it was strange to think that before all this there hadn’t been any of it in Daryl’s life. It had taken an apocalypse for him to find kindness in strangers. His hand cupped Rick’s cheek and he allowed his thumb to very gently stroke Rick’s lips. The touch sent shivers down his spine and he immediately pulled back. This had to stop. Now. He was going down a very dangerous path.

*

When Rick opened his eyes the sun was already up and Daryl was glad to see that for once there wasn’t that haunted look in his eyes, he’d grown accustomed to. At least not for the first few moments, before Rick realized that he’d slept through the whole night and that Daryl had stayed by his side.  
“You shouldn’t have done that”, were his first words while he sat up.  
“How’re you feeling?” Daryl asked.

He was surprised to actually see a small smile on Rick’s face. It lit everything up like a rising star in the night sky, as stupid as that thought was. “Amazing. Haven’t felt this good since the prison.”

“Then it was worth it.” Daryl got up and tried not to show Rick how much his shoulders hurt from sitting upright all night. The man would feel guilty enough as it was for getting some hours of sleep.

The next moment Rick’s body tensed again. “Are the others alright?”  
“Of course. Don’t you think I’d have dragged my ass down to help if they weren’t`? Calm down.”  
Still, Rick’s few moments of peace were gone. He was already on his way to the door. Before he could grab the handle however he turned around to Daryl. “Thank you”, he said. “No one’s ever done anything like that for me before.”  
Daryl looked down and nodded. “Any time.”


	2. Beauty on the Razor's Edge

Rick was kneeling in the damp grass, pincers in hand, trying to fix a broken area of the wire fence. He was wearing gloves but the nasty barbs kept getting through and he needed to be extremely careful. That wasn’t easy as his thoughts were reeling. There’d been another discussion back at the farmhouse and he had needed to get out. The fence had been a good excuse because he couldn’t let it seem as if he was fleeing. It was getting more and more difficult for him nowadays to always stay calm and level-headed as he hardly got any sleep and was constantly on edge because he knew that the others expected him to come up with solutions for any problems that arose. Most of them, anyway.

He tried his very best, but with a group this large that was on the run, it was almost impossible to accommodate everyone. It didn’t make it easier that there were so many stubborn and strong headed characters. Now there was Abraham’s group that still wanted to get to Washington as soon as possible. Understandable, since they believed that Eugene would be able to save the world from there. 

There were also those who wanted to stay on this farm and make a home here. Especially Maggie, who still hadn’t given up hope to find Beth. Glenn supported her of course and also Sasha who was sick and tired of moving around. Carol and Tara wanted to move on and find another sanctuary like the prison had been. Tyreese, Michonne and Bob hadn’t really made up their mind. 

They took votes of course but that didn’t mean that the ones who were overruled didn’t hold grudges. They weren’t functioning as well as they used to, Rick knew that. His word still weighed a lot and the others saw him as their leader. But he sometimes suspected that this was mainly the case because Daryl was the only one of their group who was able to hunt. He was their provider and his loyalty to Rick never wavered. It was clear that he’d support Rick in any decision he made and that gave Rick’s opinion a lot of weight. 

Rick was the one who had proposed they stay on the farm for a few days at least to rest after the fight against Terminus which had taken a toll on all of them. His people were still tending to their wounds from the escape, physical and emotional after the ordeal Terminus had been. And they were too far away to be followed, should the few survivors decide to come after them.

He hoped that the days on the farm would give them all a chance to relax and come to an agreement. And hopefully they would be able to provide some more food, because hunger was beginning to irritate them all. Daryl did his utmost but it was an almost impossible task for one man alone to hunt for such a large group.  
A spike stung his finger because he hadn’t been paying attention. He pulled back with a hiss and, looking up, saw Daryl move towards him through the field on the other side of the fence. Crossbow slung over his shoulders and carrying a rabbit and a few squirrels tied together with a string. Rick felt his shoulders easing and a smile tugging at his lips. At least they would have something to eat tonight. He put the pincers down, got up and watched Daryl come closer in the light of the setting sun. He knew the way he moved so well by now. Cautious and poised at the same time, always aware of what exactly was going on around him. There was something ferine in his ways that made Rick think that he belonged into this world better than any of them. He was a born survivor and Rick admired him for that.

Daryl came closer and bent down to step through the fence. Rick held one of the wires up for him. “You were successful. Good. At least we’re going to eat tonight.“

Daryl shrugged. “’s not much. But better’n nothin‘. What’re you doin‘?“ 

Rick looked down at the fence, hands on his hips. “We’re fixing the boundaries. The group decided to stay here for a few more days.”

Daryl eyed him questioningly. “That okay with you?”

Rick nodded. “It was my idea.”

“Good then.” Daryl shouldered the squirrels. “Comin’ back to the house?”

Rick shook his head and scratched the nape of his neck. “Maggie and Abraham are arguing. I needed some time alone to be honest. Maybe you should also wait a bit before you go back in.”

Daryl followed his advice immediately and sat down on a tree trunk next to Rick. He didn’t like arguments at all. Rick knew that by now. Daryl wasn’t quarrelsome, even though he could hold his own in a fight if need be. But he preferred it peaceful, especially among the group. They were very much alike in that respect. When he’d first met Daryl it had seemed as if Daryl was constantly looking for fights and conflict, trying to prove his strength. He had never backed down. But by now Rick knew that that was just him being used to always having his back against the wall, to constantly struggle for everything he needed or wanted. Since he’d become his wingman Daryl had always been more of a de-escalator than anything else. Rick had come to rely on his calm sincerity.

Daryl put his prey down next to him, drew his knife and took a rabbit to start skinning it. “Carl not with you?” 

Rick shook his head and got back to repairing the fence. “He had a talk with me yesterday. He felt that I was watching him too closely, letting other things slide in the process.”

“He’s your priority. ’s natural.”

“That’s true but he made it clear that he doesn’t need his father keeping tracks on him every minute. Sometimes I can’t believe how grown up he sounds.”  
“He had to grow up quick. Don’t worry, he’s doing fine. He’s a great kid.”

“I know. Still can’t help being worried.”

“Just goes to show you’re a good dad.”

Rick looked around surprised, but Daryl’s eyes were on the rabbit in his hands. Rick asked himself if he even knew how much these words meant to him. He was constantly questioning his qualities as a father to Carl. He swallowed once. “He also told me that Judith was in good hands. That I should start worrying about other things again, like keeping the group together.”

Daryl was silent.

Rick paused his work for a moment and brushed a hand over his forehead. “It feels as if he’s pushing me away from himself and Judith.”

Daryl shook his head. “No. He jus’ wants you to relax about them. Probably worried about you too.”

„You think so?“ Rick looked up again and this time Daryl caught his eyes and gave him a little nod. Rick got back to work and twisted two pieces of wire together. “Not that I can blame him after what I put him through.”

“Rick?” Daryl asked and when Rick looked around this time, Daryl had stopped working and was looking at him very seriously. “Stop blaming yourself, man. Everything you did: Shane, Joe, Terminus, was to save the people you love. You’re a good man.”

Rick looked at Daryl for a moment, not sure how to respond. Then he looked down. “I’m not so sure anymore. This world has changed me. I’m not even sure if I can be a leader anymore. If I even want to be.”

Daryl suddenly got up and knelt down beside him. Rick looked at him, surprised but Daryl pointed across the field and Rick saw a deer, not too far away. His heartbeat increased. If Daryl could get it they might actually have a real meal tonight. Might stop the arguing for a while.

Daryl slowly and very silently put a bolt in his crossbow and drew it. He had his eyes fixed on the deer and Rick marveled at the concentration and determination that was visible in every fibre of his body.

“Sometimes I think we should just leave.” He wasn’t even aware that he’d said it out loud, when something snapped and the next thing he heard was a hiss of pain from Daryl who’d been hit by his bow string. The deer took off.

Daryl examined a bloody cut in his left forearm. “Damn.”

Rick was overwhelmed at his own stupidity. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have distracted you.” He took Daryl’s wrist in his hand. “Is it bad?”

“No big deal.” Daryl said, pulling his arm away. “Jus’ a scratch. Happened all the time when I first started learnin’. Too bad about the deer, though.”  
“We need to bandage it. Could get infected.”

Daryl groaned lightly. “Could you get the first aid kit out here? Don’t wanna go in there, have them all making a fuss or somethin’.”  
Rick smiled. “Sure.”

A few minutes later he was back with the kit and knelt down in front of Daryl who was sitting on the trunk again. He flinched when Rick took his arm. “Can do that myself.”

Rick frowned. “But there’s no need to. Come on, I want to disinfect it.” He looked up at Daryl. “I can do that for you. I want to. It was my fault after all.”

He wasn’t sure what was the matter with Daryl. He never seemed to have a problem with Hershel tending to his wounds back at the Greene Farm. But now he was fidgeting and there was a deep crease between his brows. He looked almost angry. Still Rick wasn’t about to give up. He put the iodine on a clean peace of cotton. “Hold still”, he said, grabbing Daryl’s wrist and dabbing the cotton to the wound.

“That fuckin’ hurts”, Daryl snorted, pulling away again.

„It always stings a bit. You should know that by now.” Rick looked up at Daryl. “Don’t be such a pussy“, he said, using Daryl’s term. 

Daryl eyed him suspiciously but didn’t protest anymore. Rick cleaned the wound thoroughly and then began to dress it. He felt the taut muscles under Daryl’s tanned skin and he could feel that Daryl was still inwardly flinching away from him. Rick ripped the last piece of bandage and carefully tied a knot in it. Daryl immediately pulled his arm away. “That should do it”, Rick said, satisfied. “Even though I may not be as good as Hershel at this.”

“No”, Daryl protested immediately. „That was - you were - oh damn, whatever.” He got up, grabbed the dead animals and started walking towards the house. “Gonna get a fire going for these little fuckers.” He waved the squirrels. 

Rick sat back on his heels and watched him go. Something had been strange right now and he highly suspected that it was his fault.  
He knew how much he needed Daryl and he was thankful for his loyalty, but there was something else that he didn’t like thinking about. If he was completely honest there was something about Daryl’s roughness he felt undeniably attracted to. Something in the way he moved and talked just drew Rick to him like a thirsty man to a glass of water.

He knew of course that this was completely uncalled for and he wouldn’t even start to imagine how Daryl would react if he so much as suspected. He’d probably be off without further thought. And that would be so unimaginably dreadful that Rick never allowed his thoughts to go there. He wouldn’t be able to stand Daryl leaving him behind.

Still the feeling was there and Rick couldn’t deny it anymore, because it was too prominent in his thoughts. There had been a time after Lori had died when he was sure he could never really feel again. Not love, not hate, not even something like attraction. Everything inside of him had felt dead and he’d sometimes thought that he wasn’t so much different from the walkers back then. There’d been desperation, anger and fear and not much else. But now something deep inside him was glowing again and wrong as it might be, it was also what brought him back to life. He didn’t want to give it up, even though he knew nothing could ever come of it. But this was his anchor in the darkness.

Daryl’s ferine ways, his strength and the underlying kindness and loyalty had him completely hooked. He didn’t want to lie about it to himself anymore. Still of course he had to make sure that Daryl never found out. He owed him that much. Their friendship was worth much more than some kind of twisted crush he’d developed for the man. 

 

*

Maggie and Abraham had stopped arguing but they hadn’t come to an agreement and their animosity was still in the air. Rick knew that Maggie expected him to take her side and of course he could understand her. He wanted to find Beth and he also knew that it was important for Daryl to get her back. He still felt responsible for losing her. Then again he also understood Abraham’s point of view. A cure for this was a big thing, the highest priority of all. And even though he and his followers were new to their group they had already proven worthy members. He didn’t want them to take off without them. Then again there might not be another way if the arguing continued. Staying on this farm however wasn’t a real option. They’d been overrun once on the Greene farm and it would happen again sooner or later. Building a life here would be in vain. 

The atmosphere in the room was getting to him. And it wasn’t just that. The whole day he’d felt different: anxious, on edge. Not like he’d felt in the prison when he’d been close to losing it. This was something different, a sensation he hadn’t felt in quite a while and he was surprised by the sudden urgency of it. His body was overly sensitive and he felt tiny little shivers run down his spine every now and then. It had started weeks ago and he’d been trying to ignore it but it became clearer that it wouldn’t just go away.

He looked around. Everyone was assembled in the living room. Carl was playing cards with Sasha and Michonne, Glenn was talking to Maggie who was sitting on the couch, obviously still put out. Tyreese was feeding Judith while Bob and Rosita were cleaning the kitchen. “Tea anyone?” Tara asked. The crowdedness made Rick more and more tingly. He felt like he needed to get out. He wouldn’t be able to sleep in a room full of people like this. 

His eyes wandered to Daryl who was sitting in a chair, close to the window. Like almost always he had his crossbow on his lap. He was carving something out of a piece of wood, not an arrow this time. Rick knew that he liked to keep busy and he had some difficulty tearing his eyes away from Daryl’s skillful fingers. Normally it calmed him to watch Daryl, knowing that he was looking out for them. But tonight it just put him more on edge and he felt a familiar stirring in his groin. This was bad. He needed to do something about it.

He got up suddenly. „I’m going out for a while.“

All eyes were on him immediately. “Why?” Maggie asked. „We already checked the perimeter.“

Rick couldn’t even really think of an excuse. He felt too distracted. “The fence”, he said lamely “I want to check something.“

Sasha looked over at him. “Now? It’s already dark.”

“Oh c’mon give the man a break”, Daryl snorted. „He can watch himself. Let him get some fresh air fer god’s sake.“

No one said anything after that and Rick headed out with a thankful nod in Daryl’s direction.

Damn, what was this? He wasn’t a teenager anymore after all. But he sure as hell felt like one when he was heading in the direction of the fence, aiming for the small shed on the way. His heart was beating in a fast steady rhythm now and his lips felt dry. His jeans and shirt felt coarse on his over sensitive skin. Why was he suddenly this horny? Well maybe it wasn’t so sudden. Maybe he’d just ignored the signs for too long and now he was really desperate for it. He was actually glad when he reached the shed and was able to lean against the wall around the corner, because his cock was rock hard now and aching to be touched. He moaned lightly when he opened his zipper. 

Yes, he definitely should have started doing this again earlier. It just hadn’t seemed right after everything that had happened. But now he had no control of his thoughts as his fist closed around his erection and his head fell back against the wall. 

Did Daryl do this too?

The question was there in his head, even though he tried to push it away. Daryl always seemed so composed, so defensive. Rick just couldn’t imagine him losing his cool like this and jerking off. And then again there was something definitely sexual in Daryl’s movements. It wasn’t obvious and very certainly not deliberate. But it was there and Rick just couldn’t help noticing it. He had his left hand pressed hard against the wall and was stroking himself with his right and it felt wonderful to be doing this again. Oh yes, he’d missed this. And he tried to order his thoughts to stay away from Daryl but when he was nearing orgasm he just couldn’t help thinking about how he’d knelt in front of Daryl earlier today to bandage him. And in his mind Daryl leaned forward and Rick felt the ghost of a kiss to his neck. He smelled Daryl, felt his stubble and that brought him over the edge. He bit his lips to keep himself from moaning and failed. It just felt so good, surging through his body, tensing and relaxing every muscle. And still he didn’t feel quite satisfied afterwards.

“Serves me right” he thought. He couldn’t use Daryl for this ever again. It was completely out of the question. Apparently he was still out of his mind. Yes, he’d sometimes thought about men during masturbation before, but that had always been a fleeting notion, never about someone he actually knew. He’d never thought of himself as gay because of it. He’d been a married man after all.

He tucked himself back in and cleaned up as good as possible. 

It was probably just because he had come to rely so much on Daryl, because he felt supported by him like he’d never felt by anyone before. Maybe a part of him liked being taken care of. He knew by now that he was a leader in many ways, even if he didn’t want to be and wasn’t proud of it. But apparently there was also something inside him that needed to feel protected and Daryl satisfied that need perfectly. He had always been the one who had seen the good in Rick’s actions, even more than his own wife. When Rick was with Daryl he felt stronger, calmer. And that had obviously turned into this strange crush he felt now. He would have to get over it, soon.  
Still shaking his head about his own actions he headed back to the house just to see there was somebody waiting for him on the patio. He saw the faint flow of a cigarette and stopped short. Daryl. His first thought was of course if it was possible that Daryl had heard anything. But the house was too far away from the shed. Still he feared that Daryl might know what he had done.

Rick straightened his shoulders. “And what if?” he thought. “There was nothing wrong with getting off after all. Even Daryl had to know that. Then it registered that Daryl was smoking and since cigarettes were rare and hard to come by he only ever did that anymore when he was thinking hard about something or was really nervous.

“Everything alright?” Rick asked when he stepped on to the verandah. „Are they arguing again inside?“

Daryl shook his head. “Atmosphere’s still icy though.“ He gave Rick an upwards look. „Wanted to talk to you about somethin‘.“

Rick leaned onto the bannister. „Sure. Anything.“ He was really glad that Daryl wasn’t able to read his mind right now. He felt even worse now about what he’d done when Daryl was so trusting.

“What you said at the fence. Before my string broke …“ Daryl hesitated for a moment. „‘bout leaving.”

„Yeah?“ Rick was sure he knew what Daryl wanted to say. That it wasn’t an option. The group had always been important for him.  
“Who did you mean?”

Rick was surprised. “Well, I was hoping, Michonne would come with me and my kids. Carol. I know Maggie and Glen want to stay here and I would want to move on, but I really don’t want to leave them behind ...” He looked at Daryl. “Look, I wasn’t serious. We’re family. Only if there was o other way, if I felt the group was falling apart …“

„No one else?“

„Well…“ Rick racked his brain about who else was important for Daryl. „You, Michonne and the kids are the people I would never want to leave behind, the ones I could always trust, I’d give my life for.” 

Daryl seemed to relax, even though Rick wasn’t sure why. He nodded.

„I know things are still a little difficult for you with Maggie and Glenn because of Merle. I can’t forget what Carol did in the prison. And we haven’t known Abraham and his group for long enough. But you know it’s just theoretical.” Rick said. “If we feel there’s no other way. Don’t worry about it. I shouldn’t have said it.”

„Yeah.“ Daryl didn’t even seem to be really listening anymore. Apparently he’d gotten his answer. “Know what you mean.” When he looked up at Rick there was a small smile on his lips. “We’d be a good group.”

Rick asked himself for a second if Daryl had really believed that Rick wouldn't want to take him along. But that couldn't be true, right? Daryl had to know that he was his most important ally.

"Let's go back in", Daryl said, pushing out his cigarette butt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for your encouragement after the last chapter. Hope you liked Rick's point of view.


	3. Lost Ghosts

“You have to make up your mind, Rick.” Maggie’s bright eyes were flashing and she looked ready to strike. “Everybody’s waiting for you to decide. You can’t postpone this any longer.“

Rick put a hand to the nape of his neck. „It’s not an easy decision to make. I don’t want the group to fall apart. Not over this.”

“Can’t you see? The group’s breaking apart already. Why can’t we just stay here? We don’t need Abraham.“

„This farm isn’t a good place for us“, Rick said. “We’ve talked about this.” 

Rick seemed outwardly calm but Daryl knew him well enough to see he was fighting an inner battle at the moment; that he was about to crack. He saw the small beads of sweat on his forehead; saw the wildness shining in his eyes, even though he was trying his best to restrain himself. The discord in the group was putting huge pressure on him, because he desperately wanted to make the right decision for all of them and maybe that wasn’t possible anymore. 

Daryl was leaning against an oak tree, removed somewhat from the farmhouse and listened to Rick’s and Maggie’s discussion. Some of the others were also gathered around: Glenn, Carl and Sasha, watching uncomfortably the strong-headed young woman challenging their leader. 

“I don’t agree”, Maggie said. “Beth could still be out there somewhere. This place is good for now, safe. We could improve the fences, gather food.”

Daryl stepped forward, head bowed, looking down. “These are no good hunting grounds.“

Maggie whirled around to face him, her fists clenched, apparently ready to launch at him next. But instead she took a few deep breaths and kept quiet. 

Daryl hardly ever took part in discussions but if he did his word always counted. After all the time with the group he was still not used to his opinion weighing so much and his tense shoulders relaxed slowly.

Rick gave a nod in his direction, silently thanking him for taking his side.

Maggie turned around and took off towards the farm house without another word, followed by Glen and Sasha. She had lost this fight but they both knew that she wasn’t about to give in.

Rick and Carl walked over to Daryl. „Still, she’s right“, Rick said. “I have to make a decision. Do I want to follow Abraham and his group to Washington or stay here? Apparently there’s no way of keeping the group together anymore.” 

Daryl nodded. 

Rick looked at him questioningly. “What do you want to do?” 

Daryl looked down, avoiding his eyes. The truth was that it didn’t matter to him where he was, only who he was with. But that was no help for Rick right now. “Bringin’ a possible cure to Washington seems a sensible thing to do”, he said. “But Maggie’n Glenn have been with us longer.”  
Rick nodded. „It’s hard…“

Daryl straightened his shoulders. „Whatever we decide to do, we’ll need more supplies. Come with me on a run?“  
Rick looked at him surprised. He considered the offer for a moment then looked at Carl. “That alright with you?”  
Carl shrugged. „Sure. We need to eat. I’ll look after Judith while you’re gone.“ 

*

“I know you made this suggestion to buy me some more time”, Rick said a short while later when they were sitting in one of the cars, an old Toyota Daryl had short circuited. Rick was driving and Daryl was carefully watching the road. They hadn’t talked until now. “Thanks.”

Daryl shrugged. „We do need food.“

Rick wasn’t sure if Daryl really knew how much he needed to get away from the group. Lately he felt as if the constant discussions were gnawing at him, making it hard to think straight. Or maybe it wasn’t just the discussions. Since they had gotten out of Terminus he was constantly vigilant, never able to fully relax. His head was spinning with thoughts and worries and he sometimes feared he might lose it again like in the prison. 

The group had been more than ready to agree on their proposal to go on a run. They were running really low on supplies but the next small town was almost an hour away and no one had yet ventured to go there. They had been busy securing the farm and taking out walkers in the perimeter. And of course there had been the discussions keeping them on edge.

Rick’s fingers clutched the steering wheel tight. “This will give me a chance to get my head clear and make up my mind. I really appreciate it.” He meant it. It was soothing to be only with Daryl for now. In their group he was the only one who never demanded a decision from him and always stood by him in all his choices. It was a relief not to be constantly questioned for once. He knew he made a lot of mistakes and deserved being questioned by the others but it felt good just to let his guard down for a while. And it wasn’t only that. Strange as that may sound even in his own mind but he liked having Daryl all to himself for once. He couldn’t even remember the last time there had been only the two of them for longer than a few moments. Even in the prison they had hardly ever been able to spend time alone with each other. Their circumstances didn’t allow a lot of privacy and though he enjoyed talking to Daryl he had hardly ever found time to do it. This world left very little room for friendships to grow and he was glad that theirs had still been able to develop somehow. He had rarely ever felt this close to anyone else. Lori at the beginning of their marriage, maybe Shane. But in the end he’d felt utterly betrayed by both of them. Daryl was different. In spite of all his defenses Rick still sensed honesty and sincerity in him that drew him in irresistibly.

Daryl twirled one of his arrows in his fingers, testing its sharpness. “You’ve made a lot of good calls. I trust you. The group that gets you is very lucky.”  
Rick turned his head to face Daryl. “Same goes for you.”

He looked back on the road and frowned when he saw a large tree blocking their way. There was no way they could drive around it. He stopped the engine.  
“Damn” Daryl said. He got out of the car and loaded his crossbow before he stepped closer to the barricade to inspect it. A small group of walkers immediately appeared from between the trees on the side of the road and Daryl turned to shoot them. Rick left the car and stepped up behind Daryl. “Doesn’t look as if we could get around it”, he said, putting his hands to his hips. 

Daryl nodded and went to recollect his bolts. “’s not far to the town from here. Maybe we could walk. Take the backpacks.”

Rick breathed in deeply and nodded. It was always dangerous to enter a town without a vehicle. But it seemed as if they didn’t have a choice. And they were experienced by now, knew what they had to look out for. The prospect of finding food in the houses was too alluring to turn back now. And the others would be so disappointed if they came back empty handed. He just knew that the fights would escalate then. The group was at a stage right now where more hunger would probably mean its destruction.

“Let’s go”, he said. 

They turned the car around so they would be able to get away fast when they came back. Both of them took two guns, ammunition and a knife in addition to Daryl’s crossbow and shouldered the empty backpacks. 

The walk to the village went better than Rick had hoped for. They only encountered small groups of walkers that Daryl was able to take out with bolts so they didn’t have to shoot their guns and attract others. They stayed on the road and moved fast. Rick thought that the two of them had always been a good team, almost from the beginning. With Daryl he hardly ever had to talk about the way they approached things.

When they reached the first houses of the small town they worked in the same manner of quiet understanding. And they were lucky. Apparently the houses hadn’t been raided yet and they found a large stack of canned food in the second, almost as much as they could carry. Also there weren’t any walkers in the first two houses which Rick saw as a sign of luck.

“Too bad we weren’t able to bring the car”, Rick said, shouldering his backpack. “What do you think? Should we go into another?”

“Can you carry more?”

“A little. I wanted to find some canned pudding for Carl. Maybe a few chocolate bars to cheer everyone up. The people who lived in the last house seem to have been into health food.”

Daryl grinned. “Okay, one more. Let’s go.“

Like before, Rick opened the door and Daryl was the first to enter the house, crossbow drawn. Rick knew that Daryl was taking the bigger risk of the two of them and again he had to appreciate the way Daryl looked out for him. 

Something in the hall of this house made Rick uneasy however, even though he couldn’t put his finger on it. He was about to ask Daryl to leave again but as he couldn’t really name a reason for his discomfort he decided against it. Maybe it was just general fatigue. He really wasn’t in good shape lately. But everything would be fine if they stopped after this house. No need to worry Daryl. “Let’s hurry”, was all he said.

Daryl nodded. “I’m gonna look for torches in the bedrooms. We could use a few.”

Rick drew his gun. “I’ll search the kitchen for supplies. Be careful.”

“Always am.” Daryl made for the stairs.

Rick stepped into a living room, carefully checking for any movement. He saw the door that probably led to the kitchen and crossed the room. When he opened it however he froze to the spot. He had to blink a few times to convince himself that what he was seeing was real. He had stepped into his own kitchen. The kitchen Lori had finally picked one long and exhausting Saturday morning, a few years after Carl was born. Everything was there: the large red refrigerator, the table with three chairs at the window, the white cupboard doors and even the bowl of fruit on the work plate.

Rick held his breath, put one hand to his forehead. He slowly stepped into the room, waiting for the vision to fade, but it didn’t. He tried to tell himself that it meant nothing. Someone had simply had the same taste as Lori. This was just coincidence. But his head was already swimming and he saw the picture on the fridge that Carl had painted in nursery school, held by a magnet pin. He studied it with burning eyes, completely motionless. 

Then he noticed something else. He felt hot shivers run down his spine and his gun clattered to the ground, unnoticed. There on the counter was their picture. The one Carl’s grandpa had taken when he’d come for a visit. He stepped forward and with shaking hands he took it into his hands. He looked at himself, stretched out on the green grass of the park that had been crawling with dead bodies when he’d last seen it. Lori was snuggling up to him, smiling, and Carl had his head resting on his mother’s belly, grinning up at the camera.

Rick’s hands were still shaking while he studied the picture, but then he finally relaxed and a small smile tugged at his lips. He hadn’t thought he’d ever see it again. Suddenly he had the feeling that everything was going to be alright. It felt like awaking from a bad dream, like coming home. He heard the door to the pantry creaking open and the thought that it was on the wrong side of the room didn’t really register. He heard steps behind him.

Lori, he thought and turned around, still smiling. 

Dead eyes were looking at him from underneath long tussled hair. Jaws were clicking shut and decaying hands stretched out, clutching his shoulders.  
“No”, he whispered. The picture in his hand fell to the floor and shattered into a million pieces. He tried to move backwards but was held up by the cupboards. He pushed the creature away, looking for his gun. It was on the floor, out of reach. The smell of decay hit him and long nails cut into the skin of his forearms.

*

Daryl’s arrow hit the creature in front of Rick in the back of its head and it sank to the ground. Rick stood before him, eyes wide, shaking. Daryl knew immediately that something was not right. He shouldered his crossbow and moved closer.

“Rick! What’s wrong with you, man?” He stepped over the dead body on the floor and grabbed Rick’s shoulders with both hands, trying to get him to focus. “How did it get so close?”

Rick’s eyes wandered to a broken picture frame on the floor and Daryl followed his gaze to a photograph of a family at the beach.  
Rick brushed one hand over his forehead and looked up again. His eyes were shining with desperation. “I lost it again.”

“What d’you mean?”

“This kitchen”, Rick looked around himself as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “I … I thought it was ours. It has he same fridge and similar cupboards. I thought I saw a window over there, and …“ he fell silent and looked at the bowl of rotten fruit on the counter. His eyes found Daryl’s again and his distraught look pierced right into Daryl’s heart.

“’s okay” he whispered. “You were just confused.”

“No”, Rick shook his head and hid his face with both hands. “It’s happening again. I’m seeing things. I thought Lori…“ he didn’t go on. “How can I make any kind of decision like this? How can I be a leader?” 

Daryl’s hands moved helplessly up and down Rick’s arms. He desperately wanted to do something to make Rick feel better but he didn’t even know what to say right now. He had never been good with words. “I often see Merle”, he finally offered. “I hear ‘im talkin’ to me. In my dreams and when I’m awake. I feel him behind me. Sometimes I turn around’n I’m surprised he’s not there.“

Rick breathed in deeply. „But you don’t put others into danger because of it. You don’t lose your grip on reality.“

„Only person you’ve ever endangered is yerself“, Daryl said. His hands had come to a rest on Rick’s upper arms and without really noticing he had started to stroke him softly. It seemed to calm Rick so he didn’t stop. “Ye hardly ever sleep. Yer not eatin‘ right. What do you expect? ‘f course yer seein‘ things.“

Rick looked at him again and Daryl was glad to see that his eyes weren’t as glazed as before. He seemed calmer. “You think?”

“Yeah! Yer a fuckin‘ mess right now, because you never waste a thought on yourself. Doesn’t mean yer not still our best man. Eat right, sleep longer and you’ll be alright.”

A very small smile tucked at the corner of Rick’s lips. „You sound like my grandpa right now.”

“Well, your grandpa was fuckin' right then.“ 

The next moment something happened that Daryl hadn’t expected at all. Rick leaned forward and put his arms around him. For a moment he felt the impulse to flee and he actually moved backwards a fraction. He wasn’t used to this kind of contact, not at all. Merle was the only one who had ever put his arm around his shoulder. Hugs were something he was still uncomfortable with. His arms hung useless to his sides, while Rick was holding him, burying his head on his shoulder for a moment. He could feel his warmth, smell him and something inside him seemed to crack in this moment. Rick was too close, this felt too good. He couldn’t … He closed his eyes and his arms came up to hug Rick back, to pull him closer. He knew that the other man needed this right now. Rick hardly ever allowed himself to seek comfort from anybody and Daryl wasn’t about to push him away when he did for once. Besides he’d often thought about what it would be like to be able to hold Rick this close, to feel his lean body, to take in his scent of wood and sweat. Daryl swallowed hard.

But then Rick’s head suddenly jerked up and he moved away from him. For the fraction of a second Daryl thought it was something about himself that made Rick back off. But then he followed his eyes to the window on their right.

“Walkers”, he said. Indeed, there was a herd of them, creeping up the street, ugly and obscene and once more destroying one of the rare beautiful moments this world held for him. They had probably come from the woods, drawn by their sounds, even though they had tried to be as quiet as possible. Daryl grabbed Rick’s arm. “Damn. We have to get out of here.“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Senema for the beta! We're slowly getting there...


	4. You Were a Kindness

Rick followed Daryl towards the front door of the house. They picked up their backpacks on their way, reluctant to leave their supplies behind. Rick was glad the other man was taking the lead right now, because he was still somewhat confused. Not so much because of his strange visions anymore but because of the hug he’d initiated and of how it had made him feel. Yes, he’d been aware for a while now that he was attracted to Daryl, that he longed for the man more than he should. It still surprised him that being held by him had felt that good. He hadn’t only felt comforted like he probably should have. Instead a heat had started to rise in his body that had caught him off guard. There was no use in denying he’d felt aroused. And the hug had only lasted for moments. 

Damn. 

Of course now wasn’t the time to worry about his feelings - or whatever one could call it – for Daryl, because there were definitely more pressing issues. Being surrounded by a herd of walkers for example. They were back in the hall now and Rick finally understood what had made him reluctant to enter this house. He’d caught a glimpse of the portrait of a boy on the wall. He was Carl’s age and there was only a slight resemblance, but the boy had the same shy way of looking at the camera. Perhaps this had triggered his vision in the kitchen. He looked at his forearms and saw the bruises were the walker had grabbed him. There was no blood but he knew that it had been a very close call. It could have been the death of him if Daryl hadn’t shown up in time. He couldn’t allow this to happen again. Daryl motioned for Rick to come closer while he was looking through the peephole in the door. “They’re already on the porch. We need to hurry.”  
Rick swallowed hard, trying to get his wits together. “The window?”

“Yeah.”

They moved back into the living room and without wasting any time, Daryl pushed open the window. He took out the closest walker with an arrow and turned around to Rick. “Stay close.”

He jumped out first and shot another two of the creatures who were already stumbling towards him, clearing their way towards the street. Rick drew his knife and followed right after Daryl. He knew that they’d be lost if they were forced to use guns. There were too many dead out on the street right now and they would all immediately be drawn towards them if they fired. Daryl ducked down and quickly moved over to some garbage cans at the side of the road, Rick right behind him. From here they could see the whole mess. What was rolling up the streets wasn’t a small herd. It was a mass of tangled bodies and limbs, half rotten corpses, their intestines hanging out. Rick was already able to smell the stench of rotten flesh that made his guts churn. 

“This is bad”, he whispered.

Daryl seemed completely calm as he nodded. “Yeah. But don’t worry. I’m gonna get you outta here. Don’t use your gun ‘f you can help it.“

Rick was amazed by Daryl’s serenity. He knew that this was his fault. He’d been the one who’d wanted to go into another house, because things had been going so good. He had held them up because of seeing things again. But self-blame wouldn’t help anybody now. He had to concentrate, to focus on the task ahead.  
“We can’t go back that way” Daryl whispered, indicating the street they’d come from. “We’ll have to get ‘round them somehow.”

Rick nodded. „Where do we go?“

„The woods are probably our best shot. If some of the fuckers follow us, we can outrun them there.“

“Alright.” Rick knew that there was no time to hesitate. The town would soon be crawling with walkers. A group this large must have been moving around together for a while, drawn by the same noises. They’d probably come out of the woods, smelling meat in the town. There could be hundreds.

Daryl turned to look at him. “Stay right behind me.”

Rick nodded and followed Daryl out into the street. He wondered if the other man had always been this protective of him. Sure, Daryl had watched out for him and saved his life more than once. In the prison when Tomas had pushed that walker on top of him and also when Daryl came back to him after leaving with Merle. There had been numerous occasions Daryl had kept an eye on him. But right now it felt more like he wanted to protect him like he’d protect Carl or Beth, which of course wasn’t necessary. He needed for Daryl to watch out for himself first and foremost. Rick clutched his knife harder and went for two walkers who were approaching them with outstretched arms. He took them out with two practiced stabs and they sank to the ground. He realized that it wouldn’t be easy to cross the street as walkers were closing in from both sides now. 

Daryl shouldered his crossbow as the biters were coming too close to shoot and drew his knife. “We have to run” he said, stabbing one of the creatures in the eye.

“Now.”

Together they started running, stabbing walkers in the head or simply pushing them out of the way if they got too close, moving as fast as possible. One of the creatures took hold of the backpack Rick was carrying and Daryl cut its hand of, then took care of it with a well placed kick and stabbed it right in the forehead.  
They reached the verandah of the house on the opposite side of the street and Rick pushed open the door. Daryl followed him inside, but they were not able to close it behind them as too many hands were already grabbing for them through the gap. Both of them leant against the door while the dead were pushing from the other side, their impact becoming stronger as more and more of them were coming. Rick could see their ugly distorted faces pushing through the gap, jaws clicking, bloody eyes bulging out. 

“The next room”, Daryl said, pointing to the door that led to the adjacent chamber. “Now.”

They both let got at the same time and walkers were stumbling in. However they were able to make it to the next door and close it behind them. Daryl reached for a chair and put it under the handle. They had time to breathe for a moment and Rick leaned against the wall, his chest heaving. 

“You alright?” Daryl asked and at the same moment another dead body stumbled through the open door to the next room. Daryl launched at it, driving his knife deep into its dysfunctional brain. “Fuck, how I hate them”, he said through gritted teeth, kicking the walker in the head. „Ugly bastards.”

„We have to go.“ Rick straightened himself. „Door won’t hold forever.“

Together they lunged out of the backdoor and made for the woods behind the house. They didn’t stop running until they were a good way in and Rick’s lungs started to ache. They paused and leaned against the trees, to catch their breath.

“Damn that was close”, Daryl said.

„I’m sorry…“

„Don’t even start, man. Wasn’t your fault.“

„But …“

„Said it wasn’t your fault.“ Daryl started walking again. “Might’s well move if you’ve got enough breath to apologize.”

Rick shook his head once and followed Daryl, who turned around to face him, his gaze unreadable. “Gotta stop that. You’re one of the reasons we’re still alive. Carl, Judith, Glenn, Maggie. Me.“

„Daryl …“

„Honestly, man. Someone’s gotta tell you this.“

Daryl waited for Rick to catch up with him and for a moment they walked side by side in silence, carefully watching their surroundings. Daryl loaded his crossbow again because they could hear walkers in the woods. Leaves rustled close by, too loud and careless for an animal. They heard moans and gurgling noises not far off and sometimes they even saw their silhouettes in the distance, coming after them. 

“Damn, seems like we stumbled into a fuckin’ meetin’ or somethin’” Daryl said. “We’ll have to take quite a detour.”

Rick now realized that Daryl had been right. He was feeling exhausted from his lack of sleep and the prospect of having to walk through the woods for a long time made him anxious because he was afraid he would hold them up. They needed to get to the car before nightfall and he was feeling the lack of energy quite strongly already. His backpack was getting heavier with each step. He should have listened to Daryl and gotten his share of sleep back at the farm. But sleep eluded him nowadays. The only time he’d really been able to sleep soundly was when Daryl had been right beside him and he could hardly ask for that again. 

As if their situation wasn’t difficult enough the sky opened its gates and they were soaked to the skin from a downpour of rain only minutes later. Rick’s boots were squeaking with wetness and his clothes clung to him in a most uncomfortable way. The rain made it hard to hear any approaching walkers and soaked the earth so that moving forward was made more difficult. 

Daryl pushed a strand of wet hair from his face. “I don’t have many arrows left.”

Rick nodded. “We’ll have to use the guns after all.” They both knew what that meant. In this terrain that was so hard to overlook they could be surrounded easily. Especially as the wood was apparently crawling with walkers more than was usual. 

“Should avoid that.”

And then Rick heard breaking twigs behind them and it sounded as if something big was coming through the trees. But it wasn’t something big. It was just many of them. The rain made their dead skin seem almost lucent, strands of drenched hair were hanging in their faces and their claw-like fingers were outstretched towards them.

“The welcome-party’s here”, Daryl said, turning around. “Better run.”

Rick nodded and tried not to let it show that he was overwraught. He was starting to hear his heart-beat in his ears and his vision was beginning to blur. He couldn’t seem to get enough air into his lungs and the heavy rain was making it even more difficult to see where he was going. He stumbled over a root and Daryl was immediately right beside him to help him up and pull him along. “Leave the backpack.”

Rick shook his head. „No.“ They needed the food. He would just have to pull himself together. Taking a deep breath he looked back over his shoulder once more and saw that there were walkers very close behind them now, stumbling towards them. Some of them got stuck in the muddy earth or impaled themselves on low branches but the majority was coming closer.

They stopped for a moment to look around where to go and Rick tried desperately to catch his breath.

“Over there”, Daryl said. Rick followed his pointing finger and like a vision a tall fence rose up only about fifty meters from them. He really hoped he didn’t imagine it, but Daryl had seen it first after all. 

He gathered his strength and followed Daryl through a growth of raspberry bushes that were clinging to his clothes like claws. Luckily the walkers that followed them there were also held back by the thorny branches and they finally made it to the fence. Daryl threw his backpack over and Rick followed his example. 

“You go first”, Daryl said and Rick was too exhausted to discuss it. He scrambled up the fence while Daryl stabbed two walkers who were too close. Then he turned around and followed Rick, nimbly jumping down beside him. They looked at each other for a moment, the relief clearly visible in Daryl’s eyes. He picked up both backpacks, while Rick was still taking deep breaths, bracing himself against a tree.

Daryl took in their surroundings. “We’re lucky. There’s a hut over there. You go in. I’ll check the fence.“

„I’ll come with you.“ Rick took one of the backpacks out of Daryl’s hands. 

„Just go. Check if there are any walkers in there.“

„No way. I’m not leaving you alone out here.“

Daryl gave in and together they moved along the length of the fence in the pouring rain. They were lucky as it was strong and solid and not torn in any places. It wouldn’t hold up against a herd but a few stray walkers wouldn’t be able to get through. 

“We should stay here for the night.” Daryl said.

Rick sighed. “The others will be worried sick.” He agreed though. It was already dusk and there was no way they could make it to the car before nightfall. This place was a gift from heaven.

Daryl took one of the torches he’d brought from the town out of his backpack. “Let’s check the hut.”

Luckily the small cabin was empty. It was obviously a kind of shelter for hunters. There was only one room with a table, a small kitchen with a stove and a sink and a bed in one corner. It wasn’t much but it seemed like heaven right now.

The windows were closed with wooden blinds so no light would get outside. Daryl knelt down to light the small fireplace. Rick went over to the table and put his backpack down. He stood completely still for a few moments, leaning onto a chair, waiting for his heartbeat to slow down. Then he finally moved to pull his soaking wet shirt over his head and hung it over the back of a chair. He tossed his boots and opened the button of his jeans. Hesitating for a moment he turned around to Daryl who was now leaning against the kitchen counter, head bowed, eyes pinned to the ground in front of him. 

“Hey” Rick said. “Don’t you want to take off your shirt?”

“No, ’m fine.” Daryl’s eyes darted up to his but he immediately looked down again.

Rick frowned. “Hey, come on. You’re soaked to the skin just like me. You’re going to catch cold.“

„Told you, I’m fine.“ Daryl’s voice was very low and raspy. 

Rick moved over to him. “Is it the scars?” he asked quietly. “You know I’ve seen them.”

“No, s’not the scars.” Daryl’s voice was hardly audible anymore. He moved back into the counter and right now he reminded Rick of a wild animal desperately trying to get away. It hurt to see him like this and made him want to find out what was wrong.

“What is it then?”

Daryl nervously shifted his weight. “Nothin’.”

Rick took another step closer and looked at Daryl who still avoided his eyes. “I would have been lost without you today”, he said softly. “Again. I owe you my life.” He took in the wet strands of hair that were hanging into Daryl’s face, the way his body was strained with anxiety. And then, following some kind of impulse, he raised his hands and started unbuttoning Daryl’s shirt. Slowly. Carefully. Giving the other man time to stop him if he wanted to. And Daryl actually flinched. But then he held still, avoiding Rick’s eyes but not pushing him away. And that was enough for Rick right now. His fingers were gentle as they opened button after button. 

Daryl’s hands were still clutching the countertop behind him but he finally lifted his head and his gaze was dark with fear and doubt when it met Rick’s. He looked about to balk. But there was also something else in his gaze, deep and sinister. Rick couldn’t read it but he thought that it might be longing. The heavy rain fell on the roof of their shelter, the fire was crackling behind them and it smelled of smoke and wood. He felt the atmosphere in the room change and suddenly the walkers outside were forgotten. His exhaustion was forgotten and even the danger they’d just been in slipped from his mind.

The only thing that was still important was the small drop of water that was running down the side of Daryl’s neck and without thinking he leant forward to taste it. And then something came over him, from a place as deep inside him as the darkness that had made him bite Joe to death. Not the same place but just as deeply hidden, just as intense and overpowering. His teeth scraped the skin of Daryl’s neck. He tasted rain and sweat and something musky and austere that made him go wild. Daryl was shivering against him, not pulling away this time. And suddenly Rick understood.

He breathed in deeply, taking in Daryl’s amazing scent of leather and salt and a hint of gasoline. And then he kissed him on the lips. It was a bit awkward at first, because Daryl didn’t respond immediately. It felt as if he wasn’t able to allow himself to do this, to let go enough to open up for anyone else. But then he moaned lightly, his lips parted and his tongue met Rick’s and Rick felt an electric shockwave, that sent shivers down his spine. 

Daryl’s hands were on Rick’s body now, raking over his back, clenching around his shoulders, pulling instead of pushing, clawing at his skin, leaving bruises. Rick moaned into the kiss and for a moment it felt as if he was drowning as if he was under water and there wasn’t enough air. He felt Daryl clinging to him now, desperately pulling him closer and it was taking his breath away. 

Daryl was always in control, always level-headed, but this seemed to pull him under just the same as Rick and he could feel the desperate need of the other man that mirrored his own. There was something inside of them both that had been denied for too long and it wanted out now. Suddenly Daryl was no frightened animal any longer. His predatory strength was back and Rick was overwhelmed by the feeling of this man, so controlled and powerful, melting into his kiss and giving it up to him.

A kiss had never felt like this before; this electrifying, this stunning. He was pushing Daryl back against the counter now and it was exhilarating to feel his hardness against his own. He was breathing heavily when he pulled away for air, his lips bloody. Daryl’s eyes were closed and when he opened them, his feral look of longing made Rick move back in immediately. He needed to kiss him again, needed to taste him and it felt as if he was never going to get enough. He pushed Daryl’s shirt from his shoulders, because he needed to feel his skin against his own. He moved forward and brought their hips together. Everything suddenly moved into place, everything made sense. 

Rick didn’t know how they got on the floor but he was glad there was some kind of rag they could lie on because there was no time to change places anymore. They were both just too desperate. Daryl was underneath him and they were still kissing. Rick’s hands were tangled in Daryl’s hair while Daryl’s hips were moving up to meet his own and he couldn’t believe they were actually doing this but it felt so right, so unbelievably good. For a fleeting second he thought that not even a herd of walkers would be able to stop him right now. 

He sat up to kneel between Daryl’s legs and open his pants, looking down at him, taking in his muscled chest, his tattoos. There was such heat inside of him and he could feel it radiating from Daryl too and it made him impatient and demanding in a way he had never felt in bed before. He had always been a gentle lover, too gentle for Lori’s liking sometimes but he used to think that was just his way. But now it was different and he wanted to devour Daryl, to claim him and make him his own. There was nothing calm and careful about him now. There was only hunger and desire. And Daryl’s gaze told him that he was prepared to take it.  
He freed Daryl from his pants and when he saw his erection bulging his underpants he couldn’t resist but bowed down to kiss it through the cotton of his briefs and Daryl threw his head back, moaning deeply.

*

Daryl still couldn’t believe this was really happening. He had never even dared to go there in his dreams, even though he knew the longing for it was buried deep inside him. But it had felt so wrong even to think about it. Because Rick was his friend, his brother. Because he was fucking straight for god’s sake. But now Rick was down there between his legs and doing things to him that made his nerves crackle with desire and sent burning shivers down his spine. Never had anything felt this good and he was hardly able to take it, his hands desperately grasping the rug beneath him. 

“Stop Rick”, he finally managed when he thought he couldn’t take it for a minute longer. Rick looked up at him, his face flushed with desire. He was so beautiful, so precious at this moment that Daryl couldn’t even find words to speak. He couldn’t bring himself to say what he wanted, because somehow he still thought that he didn’t deserve it. Rick was the most admirable being he’d ever met and he still felt so inferior compared to him. Who said that Rick even wanted to give him what he needed right now? He looked at him, unable to speak, still burning with lust.

But Rick understood him just like that. Even now they didn’t need words. “Turn around”, he said, gently guiding him. 

Daryl knew that it was going to hurt. He’d never done this before, never wanted it before. But somehow he’d always known that he wanted this with Rick. Maybe from the first moment he laid eyes on him or at least from the moment Rick told him he’d come with him to look for his brother. But it had seemed utterly impossible, unthinkable even. And now he was on his hands and knees in front of Rick and his spine was prickling and his cheeks were burning, because from the moment he was able to understand these things he’d been told how bad this was. How wrong and degrading for a man. 

But with Rick it didn’t feel wrong at all and Rick’s hands on his back were gentle now and he felt them shaking a little which made his heart want to burst. He could feel how impatient Rick was, how much he wanted it, but he took time to prepare him and he leant forward so Daryl could feel his hot breath on his skin. Rick kissed his shoulders and the scars on his back while he buried two fingers inside him to stretch him. Still it made Daryl hiss with pain. It wasn’t easy to let go and open up and only the thought that he wanted Rick inside of him so much made him surrender. 

He wasn’t really relaxed when Rick finally withdrew his fingers, but he didn’t want to wait any longer. The heat had been building inside of him for too long and he just couldn’t take it anymore. The need was so overwhelming now, he was prepared to deal with the pain. And even though Rick was slick with precome when he slowly entered him there was pain that made his guts curl at first. Not the worst he’d experienced, but it was so intimate, it made him feel so vulnerable that it was harder to take than all of the beatings in some ways. 

But then he was able to be so close to Rick this way and that made him grind his teeth and hold out, even though he wanted to cry out at one point. And Rick did everything to make it easier for him. His hands stroked over his body that was covered in sweat now and he whispered to him how much he wanted this, how good it felt to be inside of him. He was taking him with slow and even thrusts allowing him to get used to the feeling before he moved deeper. Daryl could feel Rick’s impatience, his need, but he held himself back. 

Yes, there was pain but in a strange way it also started to feel good now. A tight knot of pleasure was building deep inside his abdomen, almost frightening in its intensity. Before he knew what he was doing, his hips started to buck back against Rick and he gasped when he felt the friction and heard Rick crying out in pleasure. And then Rick’s hand came around his stomach and closed around Daryl’s erection and he started stroking him in the same steady rhythm he was thrusting into him. And through the pain that was still filling his body, that knot of pleasure inside of him started to grow now that he was being stimulated so thoroughly. He was leaning on his elbows, his forehead almost touching the ground, because his strength was leaving him. And he heard Rick moan behind him, felt his calloused hand stroking him, felt him buried inside of him, moving faster. And then Rick touched something deep inside of him that made his whole body tense because never had anything felt this good. It almost frightened him. He gasped and then waves of heat were floating through his body, every muscle contracting in pleasure. He moved back against Rick once more and called out his name and then he felt Rick coming inside of him, Daryl’s name falling from his lips.

Daryl slowly let himself sink onto the rag, his body still shaking, his heartbeat wild. Rick was behind him, supporting himself on his elbows so that he didn’t put his weight on Daryl. And Daryl wished he could feel him on top of him, covering every inch of his body. And as if he’d read his thoughts, Rick slowly let himself sink on top of him, gently nuzzling his neck. 

Daryl didn’t ever want to speak again, because there was nothing he could say after this. He thought that he could easily die right now, because that way he wouldn’t have to think of anything anymore: of leaving this room, of facing a world full of walkers again. Of his fear of losing Rick. He closed his eyes, his body still shivering.  
“Did I hurt you?” Rick asked. And of course that was the first thing the man could think of to say. He’d probably start apologizing soon.  
“No.” Daryl’s voice was coarse. “And don’t ever say you’re sorry about this.“

“I wouldn’t.” Rick’s voice sounded different. More gentle, but also calmer, more at ease with himself. He sounded as if he was content right now.  
Daryl breathed in deeply. He understood. He himself felt sated in a way he never had before. Completed somehow. 

“Good.”

*

Rick didn’t think he ever wanted to get up from this carpet again. He had moved to lie beside Daryl at some point and his hands were idly moving over his skin now, lightly massaging his neck, fingers playing with his hair. It had never been this good to just lie next to anybody. He thought that this could last forever. He wanted to be able to feel Daryl’s stubble against his neck, take in his wonderful scent, knowing that he’d been inside him. 

Of course Daryl finally got up on his elbow, looking down at him. “You should get into bed. It’s getting cold.”

Rick’s eyes moved over to the bed and it seemed awfully far away. Still Daryl was right. Despite the fire and the body heat between them the bed was probably the better option. He sighed. “Alright. Let’s lie down.” Sleeping in a bed next to Daryl right now was worth the effort of moving.  
Daryl got up and grabbed his pants. He flinched once when he pulled them on, obviously feeling the pain from their encounter. Rick frowned. “Why’re you getting dressed?”

“Gonna go check outside.”

Rick slowly pushed himself up on his knees. “Wait. I’m coming.”

“No use in both of us getting’ wet again. Lie down, I’ll be back in a minute.”

He shrugged into his wet shirt, stepped into his boots, grabbed his crossbow from the table and was out of the door before Rick could even get up. His eyes followed Daryl, worried. Just a moment ago he had known that Daryl was okay with everything that had happened between them. Now he wasn’t so sure anymore. What if it had been too much? What if Daryl couldn’t deal with having gone through with this?

He pulled on his briefs and moved over to the bed, He didn’t lie down though and kept his eyes on the door. Thankfully Daryl was back minutes later. “It’s quiet outside”, he said.

“Come over”, Rick said softly and Daryl sat down next to him on the bed a little awkwardly. Rick pulled him close. “Let’s go to sleep.”

“One of us should keep watch. I’ll take the first shift.”

“The fence will hold. Let’s sleep for one night.”

Daryl relented. “Alright.”

He pulled his wet clothes off and Rick held up the cover for him. It was utter bliss, feeling Daryl’s warm naked body beside him. There was still longing inside of him and if he hadn’t been completely exhausted he might have acted on it. As it was he was out like a stone immediately. He didn’t notice that Daryl climbed out of bed, as soon as he had fallen asleep, careful not to wake him, and got dressed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Senema for the beta! The title is taken from the song by "The National" The ultimate Rickyl song for me.


	5. A Radiant Darkness

There was definitely the odor of coffee in the air and Rick couldn’t even remember when he’d last smelled this. It was a comforting and homely smell. He stretched on the bed without opening his eyes because it felt good to be able to believe for a few seconds that everything was fine. 

Then of course his memories of last night slowly returned and he noticed that something was not as it should be. Daryl wasn’t next to him. He reluctantly opened his eyes and was glad that the first thing he saw were Daryl’s boots on the table. The man himself was leaning back into a chair, watching him while balancing his crossbow on his lap. “Mornin’” he said. Rick noticed that he was avoiding his eyes. No wonder after what had happened between them last night. 

Rick slowly sat up. It occurred to him that he should have probably taken things slower with Daryl. But then again you couldn’t turn back time so there was no use worrying about that now. And he sure as hell didn’t regret what had happened. Even if he feared that things might get complicated if the tension in Daryl’s pose was any indication.

Rick rubbed his face. “Why are you already up?” he asked. “Let me guess. You kept watch the whole night?”

“Had to. “Too dangerous.”

Rick sighed. “Asking why you didn’t at least wake me up at some point to take turns would be in vain, right?”

Daryl shrugged. „Need your sleep.“

„So do you. Why does it smell like coffee?“

“Made some.” Daryl finally looked up. „Found it in the house we raided. Instant but better’n nothin’. Heated the stove. Took water from a rain barrel outside.“

„That’s a good thing. I haven’t had coffee in ages.“ Rick looked around for his clothes and was a bit embarrassed to see they were scattered all over the room, evidence of their heated encounter yesterday. There was no denying that things were a little awkward between him and Daryl right now, and it worried him. But he didn’t really know what to do about it at this point. Daryl watched him out of the corner of his eyes while he was getting dressed as if he couldn’t get himself to look directly at him. Not a good sign. Not at all.

Rick pulled his shirt over his head and went over to him. “Thanks for letting me sleep.” 

Daryl nodded but when Rick softly put a hand on his shoulder he flinched. He took his boots from the table and handed Rick his cup of coffee. Rick sat down opposite of him, taking in the tautness of Daryl’s features, his tired blue eyes behind dark bangs, gaze cast on the ground. He had kissed those parched pretty lips yesterday but it seemed like a strange dream now. Far away, unreachable. Daryl didn’t seem to know where to look, still avoiding Rick’s eyes. His hands were playing with the string of the crossbow. He was drawing back into himself like a cornered animal and it was hard to watch for Rick.

“Daryl”, he said softly. „If I did anything wrong yesterday, I’m sorry.“

Daryl frowned. “What d’you mean?” his voice was coarse. “Regret what we did?“ He looked up for a second, seeming almost defensive, challenging.  
And Rick just knew that Daryl was too ready to believe that. To believe that Rick was about to push him away, to deny there was anything between them. It killed him to see how very unsure Daryl felt of everything they had shared and he knew that they’d gone too far too fast. He desperately wanted Daryl to know that everything was fine, that they could do this, make it right, but right now he didn’t know how. As far as relationships were concerned he’d never been good with words. „No, I didn’t mean that at all”, he said softly.

“Good then. Everything’s fine. Drink your coffee. Gotta get back.“

Rick decided to make a last desperate attempt. „Don’t you want to talk?“ 

„’bout what?“

Rick sighed inwardly. He decided not to press further at the moment. Daryl obviously wasn’t ready to face what had changed between them and he wasn’t about to put more pressure on him. He drank the coffee that was really good and took half the can of corn that Daryl handed him. Not the breakfast of his dreams but definitely better than nothing. His mind was on different matters anyway.

“Seems like the herd that followed us has scattered during the night”, Daryl told him, already back to business. “Should be able to get back to the car. How’s your ankle?”

“Fine.”

Daryl nodded. „Ready to go?“ He got up.

Apparently he was about to act as if nothing had happened between them. It was obvious that he was having second thoughts. But there was no way Rick was getting back to the camp like this. There had already been too many talks he had avoided in his life, too many problems he’d refused to face. And it had always led to losing people he loved. He wouldn’t make the same mistake again. Not with Daryl. This was too important.

“Wait” he said. He moved towards Daryl who turned around to him and took a step backwards. But Rick wasn’t about to let him get away like that. He got closer, searching Daryl’s eyes that were glued to the floor. Then he raised his arms and carefully pulled him into a hug. Daryl’s was taunt, reluctant and Rick could feel how much he wanted to pull away. He didn’t give up, though. 

“Thanks for watching over me tonight”, he whispered close to Daryl’s ear. “I never sleep as soundly as when you’re beside me.” It wasn’t easy for him to admit to someone else that he felt protected by them but it was the truth. And maybe he had been silent for too long, denying what there was between them. He moved closer into Daryl’s space and then he felt something that completely threw him at this moment. Even though Daryl might be having second thoughts, his body obviously wasn’t. He was rock hard against Rick’s thigh. Just feeling it sent an electric shock through Rick’s lower body. Daryl was trying to move away from him but it was too late. Rick sighed, pulling Daryl closer and hiding his head against his neck, breathing in his scent again.

“Don’t you want me to take care of that?” he whispered.

“Gotta go”, Daryl’s voice was low and coarse. His breath hitched.

“Like that? You won’t be able to concentrate. Would be really dangerous to go out there like this.“ Rick’s voice was low, seductive. He let one hand slowly slide down Daryl’s body and cupped his erection with one hand. He delighted in the shiver of breath this elicited from Daryl.

His lips were against Daryl’s throat now so that could feel him swallowing hard. He put soft small kisses to the stubbly skin of Daryl’s jawline. The man in his arms didn’t relax yet, but he also didn’t move backwards when Rick gently stroked the outline of his cock through his pants. The crossbow dropped to the floor with a clatter. Rick bit his lip. It was thrilling to feel Daryl’s heartbeat accelerate as if his heart was trying to break free from his body. Being able to do this to him after all the times he’d just imagined it made Rick feel nearly ecstatic. Daryl now took another step back, trying to escape Rick’s teasing hand. But it only led to him being pressed up against the wall. Rick immediately followed and caught Daryl’s gaze. His pupils were dilated and there was something close to fear in his eyes, but there was also longing. Rick saw that Daryl wanted this, even though he wasn’t able to admit it, even to himself. He didn’t need more encouragement. 

“I need you Daryl”, he whispered against his neck. “I need to be with you.”

And for that one second he actually wanted this more than anything else. For the fracture of a moment he wished they could just stay here. Of course he would never leave Carl and Judith behind. But there was a part of him that craved to be here with Daryl forever, wished to see those blue eyes in the worn and sun burnt face directed at him all the time. He put both hands against the wall left and right of Daryl and leaned forward to kiss his dry lips that felt so incredibly good under his own. Once again Daryl didn’t open up for him immediately and he had to tease him, letting the tip of his tongue run over his lower lip. And when Daryl finally relented with a small sigh it felt so unspeakably good when he felt his tongue against his own. Kissing Daryl made his whole body tingle as if small electric shocks were running through it. He hadn’t known that just kissing could be this good. It had never been before. 

When he let his hand slide down Daryl’s body again and rubbed between his legs he could see that he had gotten even harder, his dick straining against the fabric of his pants, pressing into his hand. It felt so good to know that Daryl wanted this just as much as he did. That he was hot and needy and very much ready for what Rick was about to do with him. A small voice in his head told him that this may not be the way to solve the problem but at the moment that little voice of reason, usually so strong in Rick’s head, had no chance against his raging libido.

And then he felt Daryl’s hand press against his own erection that was desperate to be touched and his knees almost gave way. He broke the kiss for a moment and moaned deeply when he felt Daryl’s other arm around him, pulling him closer. “’s okay, I’ve got you.”

Opening belts had never been this important or this difficult. Even though Rick had no problem opening his own belt with one hand, Daryl’s put up almost as much resistance as his owner. And he was relieved when Daryl finally helped him with a small smile on his lips that gave Rick hope that they might be okay after all. And finally his hand was deep inside Daryl’s pants and he marveled at how hot and hard he was. Daryl’s fist clasped his erection and he sighed with relief. It felt so good to do this. They stood close to each other, Daryl leaning against the wall, Rick pressing into him, stroking each other like desperate schoolboys in a shower. 

And like horny schoolboys they didn’t take long. Rick bit Daryl’s shoulder when he came, probably hurting him and he could feel Daryl’s body tremble with the force of his own orgasm. They stood completely still for a moment and then Rick looked up. Daryl carefully glanced at him from beneath his bangs, awkwardly cleaning his hand on his pants. But at least he didn’t avoid his eyes. 

Rick gave him a small kiss. “Don’t pull away from me again”, he whispered. “I want this. I want everything I can have of you. Understand?”

Daryl nodded uncertainly but there was a glow in his eyes that hadn’t been there before and that would have to do for now.

Daryl zipped up and buckled his belt before he bent down to pick up his crossbow. “Somethin’ I have ta tell you.” He cleared his throat and looked at Rick directly. “Wherever ya decide ter go, whatever group ye wanna be with: I’ll follow you. I’ll have yer back. I’d have chosen you over Merle in the end. Had decided ter go back to you, e’en withou’ him.”

Rick swallowed hard. He was at a loss for words but something inside him seemed to loosen and only now did he notice how much he had feared that Daryl might choose someone else someday. A group he wasn’t part of. He didn’t say anything but he put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder, softly stroking him, and looked him in the eye. And he knew that Daryl understood what this meant to him. Sometimes they didn’t need words.

Daryl shouldered his crossbow. “Le’s not tell the others about … this.” He indicated himself and Rick. ”Things are complicated enough. ‘specially Carl doesn’t need this.“  
Rick nodded. “Alright.“ He couldn’t say he agreed with Daryl, but keeping the turn their relationship had taken secret would definitely make some things easier.

*

Daryl climbed over the fence separating their hut from the rest of the world first. He marveled at how much that place had grown on him in the few hours they’d spent there. He’d never really felt at home anywhere. Not at the Greene farm where he’d only ever been tolerated and not in the prison that had meant a safe haven for so many of the others. He’d always been on edge there somehow. And certainly not the cottage he’d lived in as a kid. That had always been a place where he’d struggled for survival, desperately hoping for Merle to turn up and save him at his most desperate moments. He’d never been safe there, never been able to let his guard down. Home had been a word without meaning for him. 

But these few hours here with Rick had shown him that it could be different. That it was possible to like a place, to feel as if you belonged, strange as that might sound. After all he had had a whole night of watching Rick to think about it. It wasn’t only for safety’s sake he’d decided not to sleep. There had been too many things spinning around in his head. The fact that his greatest wish had been fulfilled and how much that terrified him, because he wasn’t used to being granted his wishes. Not at all. And he sure as hell didn’t deserve this. He hadn’t been sure how Rick would react to their situation when he woke up so he’d told himself that those few hours of darkness and rain might be the only time in his life he’d ever feel this complete, this content.

And then something rather unexpected had happened this morning and Rick had shown him that he still wanted him, didn’t want to take back what he’d given him yesterday. Daryl still couldn’t really get his head around it. 

A loud thump interrupted his thoughts. Rick had thrown his backpack over the fence and now he nimbly climbed up. And Daryl was tempted to help him get down on the other side. But he managed to refrain from it. Rick didn’t need his help for this and he couldn’t let this strange protective feeling he had always had for the other man grow too big. He didn’t want Rick to feel annoyed by him. So he checked their surrounding instead, crossbow at the ready. A few walkers were coming at them through the trees, gurgling and mumbling. Daryl effortlessly took them out with bolts. Still this indicated that the forest was far from safe and walker-free. “Need to be careful”, he said when he went to retrieve his bolts. 

He threw one look back at Rick before he made for the direction of the car. Rick’s ankle apparently really was better. Good. He would make sure they got back to the road safe. He’d already made a vow to himself that he wouldn’t let anything happen to Rick. He was used to people he loved being taken away from him. Hell, everyone was used to that in this world. But he’d experienced it before everything had gone to shit and he sometimes thought that he meant bad luck. He hadn’t been able to do anything for his mother when she’d burnt down with their house. Two times he’d failed to help Merle and he hadn’t protected Beth even though he’d desperately wanted to. The thought of losing Rick again, of failing him, nearly tore him apart with fear. He’d once offered his life for him to Joe and he would gladly have given it. He’d have given anything to save him.

“It’s amazing how good your orientation is”, Rick whispered behind him, tearing him away from his thoughts. Daryl noticed that Rick had learned during the last months. He was able to move much quieter next to Daryl. 

Rick kept his voice very low. “I don’t know if I could find that car again. We had to move so fast.“

Praise from Rick still made Daryl blush. He’d always liked it so much when Rick had trusted in his abilities. From the very start. “We’re just movin’ north-east”, he explained. „‘s not difficult.“

„Would be for most people.“

A small smile tucked at Daryl’s lips. “Good thing yer with me then.”

*

They moved quietly for about an hour and Rick knew they had to be close to the road now. Daryl had been able to shoot a few squirrels and a rabbit on their way and they hadn’t encountered any more walkers. “There’s the road”, Rick said, pointing at it through the last rows of trees. “And our car. Amazing, Daryl. Let’s just hope everything is –“

He didn’t continue, because Daryl had grabbed his shoulder and pulled him down to the ground. And at that moment Rick heard it, too. It was the roar of several engines. Not cars, but motorbikes. The sound was coming closer and Rick was really glad they were still hidden by bushes and trees. Their encounters with groups of other people hadn’t been good up to now after all. He pressed into the mushy ground next to Daryl and watched when the bikes appeared on the road in front of them. He counted ten or eleven. A large group. They stopped in front of the same fallen tree that had hindered Daryl’s and Rick’s progress. Almost none of them were wearing helmets but Rick could see that they were heavily armed. He saw Colts, Berettas, a machine gun and one man was even carrying a professional bow. 

He tried not to move, tried not to make a sound and turned his head to Daryl. Daryl was completely still, he seemed frozen solid. His face was pale under his tan. Rick thought that he looked fierce even though there was no way the gang would notice them here if they stayed hidden. Something was wrong.

He turned back to the group and saw a small, petite girl get off from the pillion seat of one of the bikes. She was wearing a helmet and blond hair was falling on her shoulders from beneath it. Rick’s eyes widened. It was possible this was Beth. Even though he couldn’t know for sure from this distance. At the same moment he heard twigs cracking behind them and turned around. Three walkers were approaching them through the trees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's reviewed this story up to now. You're so inspiring!


	6. Cold Blooded

Rick threw a glance back at the walkers stumbling in their direction. There was no way they could deal with them without the group on the road noticing them. And of course they didn’t really have a choice anyway. Beth might be with them and they couldn’t just let them drive away with her without a chance of ever finding her again.

He exchanged a look with Daryl and when the other man nodded, Rick got up. He drew his gun but left it hanging at his side, when he stepped out on the street through the bushes. Daryl was right beside him, moving swift and lithe, crossbow at the ready. Several heads turned around to them, guns were instantly raised and pointed at their heads. The girl moved forward in their direction but was held back by the guy on the bike in front of her. Rick noticed that the left side of his face was distorted by a deep scar. He put a heavy hand on her shoulder and she reluctantly stayed by his side, her body taut.

“Who have we here?” One of the men asked. He was obviously their leader, riding the bike at the front of their crowd. He wasn’t wearing a helmet and when he got off his bike now and walked over to them, not in the least intimidated by Daryl’s crossbow, Rick had the uncomfortable thought that he reminded him of Merle in some ways. He was taller and more heavily built, but there was something in his careless stroll, something rabid about him, that made him think of Daryl’s brother. And he just hoped that Daryl didn’t feel the same way.

“Is it Hansel and Gretel taking a walk in the forest?” The man cocked one eyebrow and a malicious grin pulled back the corners of his mouth, his lips stretching over sharp teeth. He raised one hand and a shot rang out from one of the guns that were pointed in Rick’s direction. Rick jerked back, but then he heard one of the walkers behind them fall into the undergrowth. The other two followed close behind. 

The leader took another step towards them, his face serious now. “Take down that bow”, he addressed Daryl. “Or are you planning to shoot us all before we get you down? Well, good luck then.”

Rick motioned to Daryl to obey and turned back to the leader. “We come in peace”, he began, slowly kneeling down to put his gun on the ground. He could feel the atmosphere was strained and he had no intention of enraging the gang. Daryl and he were clearly outnumbered. “You have someone with you who belongs with us.”  
He looked over to the girl and she slowly pulled her helmet off. Beth’s blue eyes were wide, but Rick didn’t know if it was with surprise or worry. He could clearly sense her longing to run over to them. But there was also fear and something close to horror. She turned to the leader. “Just let them go, Steele. Please”, she begged. The scared man’s hand was still resting on her shoulder, pulling her back now.

Steele slowly turned around to face her. “So you don’t know them, little Beth? Are they lying to me?”

Beth shook her head. Her eyes darted over to Rick and Daryl. “I know them.”

“And you don’t want to go with them? Prefer staying with Steele and his boys, huh?”

Beth looked down, defeated and Steele turned back to Rick and Daryl, a triumphant grin on his face. “You heard what she said. This little flower wants to stay where she is. Seems she likes it with us.” He winked at them.

“Let her go”, Daryl snarled, taking a step in Steele’s direction.

“Daryl! Don’t!” Beth cried out. The men of the group drew closer to Daryl, one of them pointing his gun directly at Daryl’s head now. Daryl glared at them, swaying from one foot to the other, clutching his crossbow tighter.

“We don’t want a fight”, Rick said, raising his arms. His eyes were glued to the gun pointed at Daryl’s temple. He knew they were walking on very thin ice. “Let her go with us. Please.” He knew that Steele’s men probably weren’t influenced by pleas in any ways, but he saw no other way to deescalate the situation. And after all there was nothing keeping the men from shooting Daryl down.

Steele chuckled. “Whoever said we would let you go?”

He nodded to the man next to Daryl and he slapped the handle of his gun in the direction of Daryl’s head. Daryl moved out of the way, hitting him in the face with his crossbow, sending him to the ground. Two other men were immediately upon him, clutching his arms and a third approached him with an axe in his hand. Rick cried out but at the next moment Daryl was struck with the blunt side of the weapon. He fell to the ground, hitting it hard. Beth screamed and Rick ran over to him, kneeling down at his side. There was blood oozing from a head wound, running down his face, dripping onto the dusty road. 

“No!” Rick was stretching out his hand to feel for Daryl’s pulse and the next moment he felt a sharp pain in his head and the world went black. 

For the next few hours he flickered in and out of reality. He felt it as he was dragged into the car they had abandoned on the road. Daryl was next to him. Blood stained Rick’s shirt and he couldn’t see clearly. He tried to reach out but then he lost consciousness again. The next time he woke they were driving and he heard the roar of the bikes around them. “Carl”, he thought. His head hurt like hell and his vision was still blurry. He couldn’t move and the light around him got dimmer. He tried to stay awake but everything seemed to just float away and he was pulled under. 

When the world swam into focus again, he was being dragged around, someone slapped him across the face and punched his stomach, making him feel sick. He tried to grasp at something, his fingers clenching and unclenching but there was nothing to hold onto. He wanted to call out for Daryl but couldn’t make a sound. It was dark around him and he was thrown to the ground, hitting his shoulder. Something cold closed around his wrists. He was kicked in the back once more. Then the pain took over and he faded out again.

 

*

Cold. Dark. Rick’s cheek was resting on a damp rough surface and there was the smell of cellar and mold. He groaned, because his head hurt like hell. For a moment he just wanted to go back to sleep again, get away from the pain in his body. It seemed the easiest thing to do. But then he remembered and adrenaline rushed through his veins. He tasted blood and he felt that his arms were pulled back in an uncomfortable way, his wrists constrained by handcuffs. “Daryl?” he whispered when the memory of the fight he had witnessed came back to him. He knew only too well that those kinds of injuries to the head could be fatal. Shivers of cold fear ran down his spine like tiny spiders with blades instead of legs. “Daryl are you here?”

There was no answer and Rick struggled to sit up, his heart beating a fast rhythm in his suddenly too tight chest. He made it to his knees with some effort and noticed that the shackle on his hands was chained to the wall. He couldn’t move far. It was dark around him but his eyes were slowly getting used to the lack of light. His head was still swimming and he had to lean back against the cold wall for a moment, because he was feeling light-headed. He swallowed hard. He had to keep calm. He had to focus.

After a few moments he opened his eyes again and could now make out some of the details of the room he was kept in. The ceiling was very low and there were apparently no windows. This had to be some kind of cellar or bunker. That would also explain the musty smell. There were pipes running along the ceiling and the wall opposite of him was maybe three meters away. He noticed something on the floor in front of the wall that made him start. A body.

“Daryl?” Rick called out, desperate now, because he was almost sure he recognized his friend’s boots. “Daryl can you hear me? Say something!” The bundle on the floor didn’t move. Rick was completely silent for a moment, listening for sounds of breathing, but he didn’t hear anything. He hit his head against the wall and bit his lip hard, silently praying for Daryl to be alright. How was this even possible? How could they be in a situation this desperate when they had just been about to get back to their camp? It drove him crazy not to be able to do anything.

For a while he fought against his restrains in a desperate attempt to free himself until his wrists were bloody. Then he called out Daryl’s name again, his voice echoing from the walls, until he was hoarse and sounded like a madman. 

He thought that it was possible that the gang had just left them here to die. He wouldn’t put it beyond Steele. There had been something brutal about the man that reminded him of what he’d seen in Gareth and the governor. This world brought out that cruelty in men and killed everything inside of them that was kindness and humanity. Turned them into something worse than walkers. He’d seen it happen often enough and he’d felt it inside of himself, clawing at him, eating him up, changing him. Up to now he had always been able to come back from it, but it had still made him see, what people were able to do in a world like this.

His thoughts were reeling now, desperation trying to get to the surface. They would die in here. He would never see Carl again, he wouldn’t hold his baby girl in his arms anymore and he wouldn’t feel Daryl’s hug one more time. There was nothing he could do, nothing but wait, and it tore him apart.

Trying to free himself again, he fought against his chains like mad. He couldn’t die like this, so close to Daryl, without being able to help him or even touch him. The hook in the wall seemed to move a little.

He stopped fighting when he thought he’d heard a soft moan. His breathing was loud and heavy in the darkness and he tried to calm it down to be able to hear better. “Daryl?” he whispered. “Can you hear me?”

“Rick?” Daryl’s voice sounded weak, as if it cost him all he had to utter that syllable. But it was enough to make Rick’s body go slack with relief. He almost sank to the ground. “Yes, I’m here”, he said. “How are you?”

“Feel like shit.” Daryl coughed. “Damn bastards. Head hurts.”

“They got you really bad”, Rick said. “I was afraid you might be dead.”

“Nah, weeds are hard to kill. Thirsty though. ‘n tired as hell.” 

“You probably shouldn’t go to sleep again”, Rick said, trying in vain to move in Daryl’s direction. “You probably have a concussion.”

“Won’t then. How’re you`? How’s Beth?”

“I don’t know about Beth. Haven’t seen her again. I’m alright. A bit light-headed.” The truth was Rick felt almost elated now that he knew Daryl was okay for the moment. Their situation hadn’t really changed but he felt as if everything could be okay again if only Daryl was alive. They would get out of here somehow. His feelings of hopelessness were gone.

Daryl moved to sit up. “So are we getting’ comfy here or are we planning to get out?”

A moment ago Rick hadn’t thought it possible but now he almost smiled. “Don’t really like this place”, he said. “I’m afraid they may have just left us behind, though.”

He heard Daryl moving, apparently trying to find a more comfortable position. “Don’t think so. Wouldn’t have been worth the trouble. Could’ve just killed us.”

“You’re probably right. But Steele seemed like he enjoyed cruelty.”

“People like him want to watch those they make suffer. Know the kind.”

Rick was silent for a moment. Daryl’s words reminded him of the fact that his friend had had to deal with people like Steele more than enough in his life. Even before the apocalypse. Cold anger tore at Rick when he thought about the fact that Daryl was in a situation like this again and he could do nothing to get him out of this. He still hadn’t forgotten Daryl’s face when they’d been gagged and bound in Terminus and it followed him into his dreams.

He grit his teeth. “They are the ones who are going to suffer for this.”

He heard a suppressed moan from Daryl and worry won over his anger for a moment. “How bad are you off?” he asked. “Are you shackled, too?”

“Yeah. But I’m alright. Fuckin’ bastards must’ve kicked me when ah was out.”

“Can you move closer? Maybe –“

Rick was interrupted by a grinding sound to their right and the next moment dim light fell into the cellar. They heard the sound of heavy boots and the silhouette of a man appeared in the doorframe. Two others followed close behind him. “So the wildcat’s tamed for now?” The first one said, his grin audible in his voice. “You took Miller out cold. Steele was impressed.”

“Miller not so much”, another said. “Not as determined to fight now, are we?”

Daryl didn’t answer but Rick could see him staring at the men, his body tense, every part the trapped animal. He also saw the bloody head wound on his temple now and his own rage grew. 

“Wasn’t what you would call a fair fight after all”, he tore at his bonds. “What are you planning to do with us?”

“Steele wants to talk to you both. Might have a question or two for you.”

One of the men freed Rick’s chain from the wall without opening his handcuffs, while another pointed a gun at him. He didn’t resist but he noticed that they obviously didn’t want to take any risks with them. It would be difficult to get out of here without help. And they couldn’t count on a god-sent savior like Carol again. Daryl was led out of the cellar right behind him and he noticed that he was stumbling on the stairs, almost losing his balance. He was obviously still fighting the effects of his concussion.

Looking back, Rick saw that they were indeed being kept in a bunker. One heavy door was the only way out. They’d be safe from walkers in there but he couldn’t think of any way of escaping from there. Maybe their chance would come now while they were out in the open. Then again Daryl was awfully weak and he wasn’t about to risk losing him. He looked around himself, trying to gather as much information as possible about their surroundings. It seemed to him like a minor military area. Apart from their bunker there were a few one story buildings and some kind of garage. An outpost maybe.

They were led into one of the other buildings and their chains were fastened to two rings in the walls next to each other. “Like animals”, Rick thought. He looked over at Daryl and the other man gave him a reassuring nod. The armed men stayed by their side, still pointing their weapons at them. There was no escaping from here. They would have to wait.

The men next to them straightened visibly when Steele entered the room in a leisurely stroll, casually dropping down into a chair in front of them and leaning forward. Rick was sick and tired already of his air of supremacy. He’d seen it too often and it made him want to spit him in the face. His eyes widened when Beth was led into the room, the scarred man clutching her arm, obviously hurting her. She looked at Rick and her lips formed the word “Maggie”, almost unnoticeably. Rick gave her a hint of a nod.

“So”, Steele said as if he was about to start a pleasant conversation with them. “Why don’t you two rogues tell me about the group you’re staying with.”

“There’s no group”, they said in unison.

Rick looked Steele directly into the eyes. “We’ve been alone for a long time.”

“You know I`d almost be inclined to believe you”, Steele said, leaning back into the chair. “You seem like the types to me. Then again that answer doesn’t explain the formula we found in your backpacks. Unless one of you has a very strange taste.”

Steele’s men chuckled in appreciation at the joke. 

Rick’s anger burned inside of him like wildfire. So that was what they wanted from them. Again someone was threatening what was most important to him. But if they believed that he would ever tell them about the farm they were utterly wrong.

He shrugged. “It’s durable. And nourishing. What more can you ask for in times like these?”

Steele’s smile didn’t reflect in the coldness of his gaze. “So the diapers are just some kind of kink then?”

Rick swallowed hard. 

Daryl looked up. “Won’t hear a word from us.”

Steele’s smile disappeared. “So your group’s safety is worth her life?” He turned around to Beth and the man holding her put a gun to her head. Beth didn’t flinch. Rick was able to notice a hint of fear in her eyes but she slowly shook her head. “Don’t talk.”

Rick bit his lip.

Steele got up and walked over to Daryl. He pulled knife and held it to Daryl’s throat. “What about him then?”

Rick was silent but he couldn’t keep his hatred from showing on his features.

Steele moved the knife over Daryl’s skin. “So I was right then? The two of you are fucking?” He grinned. “He any good?” The blade drew blood.

“Stop”, Rick snarled. “Leave him.” 

“So he’s your bitch then?”

The next thing Rick saw was Steele stumbling back, his knife cluttering to the ground. Daryl’s must have hit him really hard where it hurt most. And as much as that was deserved, Rick feared the consequences. Beth gasped and Steele picked up his knife, his face distorted with pain. He held it to Daryl’s throat, his hand trembling and for a moment Rick thought that it would all be over. His heart ached in his chest and his fists clenched. Daryl’s posture was strained, his eyes closed.  
Then Steele moved back and Rick was able to breathe again. 

“Fine”, the leader spat. “I give you one night to think it through. We’ll talk again tomorrow. Tell me where to find your group or they both die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Considering the last two episodes od TWD, the fandom needs a lot of Rickyl to compensate for the lack of it on the show. So I'm thankful to every writer an reviewer here...  
> And I promise the next chapter won't take long.


	7. Early Graves

“Don’t tell ‘em anythin‘.“ Daryl struggled to sit up again. He’d been thrown to the ground of their cell by one of Steele’ men and pain had gushed through his body when his head hit the wall again. He was so tired he could just have fallen asleep right now on the cold stone floor. But he knew that Rick was right. If he had a concussion he had to stay awake. “No matter what. They can’t find the others. Carl. Judith.“

„I know“, Rick whispered. „But I can’t let them kill you.“

“We’ll think of somethin’”, Daryl leaned his aching head against the cold wall. “There’s always a way out.” He sounded a lot more optimistic then he felt. It was hard to believe that this should be the end. At the hands of some major asshole that reminded him of his father in some ways or Merle on his worst days. How was it that he always seemed to draw those kinds of characters towards himself like moths to a flame? The only decent man he’d ever trusted was sitting a few feet away from him, chained to the wall, watching him full of worry. And again he hadn’t been able to protect him.

“How’s your head?” Rick asked and Daryl thought that his head really didn’t matter right now but it was just like Rick to ask anyways.

“Not much better. It’ll be fine though. Provided that I need it again.“ He looked to the cellar door.

They were silent for a while and Daryl heard Rick’s breathing in the dark. He wished they were at least able to touch. It surprised him a bit how much of a comfort that would have been but he couldn’t deny it. It was a hell of a long time ago that he’d wanted to touch someone. If he was completely honest, Rick was the only one he’d ever wanted to be that close to. And even right now, concussed and chained to a cold cellar wall, the thought of what they’d done mere hours ago sent shivers down his spine. His skin tingled with the memory of Rick’s kisses. And as much as he wanted to live through this, he had to admit he was glad he wouldn’t have to die without knowing what it felt like to be with Rick. 

“Daryl?” Rick asked into the darkness. His voice was soft and low, like yesterday and this morning and Daryl closed his eyes. “Yeah?”

“I just wanted to tell you I’m still glad about everything that happened. I’m glad we didn’t wait until it was too late. I wish I could touch you now.”

Daryl swallowed. It pained him how much Rick was echoing his own thoughts. “Yeah, that’d be nice.”

“It could have been good. We could have worked.“

„Ya think?“

He could hear Rick’s smile in his voice. „I’m sure. Being around you, Daryl-“ he hesitated. „Almost from the beginning I liked it when you were around. I felt reassured. When things went bad with Shane.“ he swallowed hard. „And Lori. You were an anchor. I could count on you.“

„Same for me“, Daryl said quietly. “Made me a better man.”

“You were always a good man, Daryl. Better than you gave yourself credit for.”

Daryl swallowed hard and his throat constricted. „You know what Merle and I planned to do to the camp before you chained him to the roof?“ He had never talked about this with Rick, hadn’t been able to find the right words and it had never seemed like the right time. But after all that had happened he couldn’t keep it inside. Even if it didn’t really matter anymore.

Rick was silent and Daryl tried to find the courage to go on. He was sure that what he was about to tell would change Rick’s opinion of him. He didn’t pardon those kinds of things. He was a generous man but he couldn’t forgive betrayal. “We wanted to rob them”, he finally choked. „Take everythin‘. Food, tools, weapons. There were kids there and we wanted to leave them for dead.”

“Daryl“, Rick’s voice was still soft and calm. He didn’t even hesitate before speaking. „You were under Merle’s influence back then.You’ve changed.”

„Ah would’ve gone along with it, Rick.” It almost hurt to utter these words but Rick had to know. “Wouldn’ ‘ve stopped him.”

“Maybe, but you’ve repented. You’ve moved on from there. That isn’t you anymore, Daryl.“

Daryl felt a wave of relief that Rick wasn’t disgusted but he still couldn’t find peace. He bit his lip, trying to make out Rick’s face in the darkness but it was impossible. “Sometimes I fear I’m still the same. How could I join Joe’s group? Go along with their way of livin‘?”

“You were alone.”

Daryl leaned his head back against the wall. “Yeah, that’s it. I need you to be what I’m now. I need you beside me. Needed you from the beginnin’.“

„Don’t think for a moment that it’s different for me“, Rick said quietly. “I could not have been a leader without you to have my back every step of the way, looking out for me, always taking my side, even when everything else fell apart. Without you stepping up when Shane -“ he choked, couldn’t get the words out. “When Shane stopped being a friend. I relied on you, Daryl.“

Daryl was completely silent because now there was a burning inside of him like a flame deep in his being that warmed everything up. Nothing fueled him like Rick telling him he needed him. It had always been that way. Those words were the most powerful he’d ever heard and even down here they made him feel alive and almost elated. “We’ll get out of here“, he whispered. „We’ll find a way.“

He turned his head, squinting when the door to their prison opened and two of the men came back in. “Steele wants to talk with you alone this time”, one of them said and went over to Daryl. Daryl tensed. He didn’t want to go with them, to leave Rick behind. But of course he didn’t have a choice. The men were brutal, relentless when they pulled him up. He looked back when he was pushed out of the cellar door and could see Rick tearing at his chains again, his eyes shining with rage. “Bring him back!” he snarled at the men. 

Steele was already in the room when Daryl was led in. This time he wasn’t chained to the wall. A quick glance around told him there was no chance of escaping anyway. The door was guarded by two armored men and another one was pointing a gun at his head. Daryl swayed from one foot to the other, every nerve in his body strained, taking in every small movement in the room.

Steele got up from the chair he’d been spread out on and walked over to him in his confident stroll. “Realx, soldier.” He grinned. „Ain’t no one gonna hurt you. Or your lover-boy.“

„You told us different.“

„Well, well.“ He stood right in front of Daryl, forcing him to look at him and Daryl inwardly flinched. He didn’t like people coming too close to him and every instinct in his body told him to take a step back. But he didn’t want to show Steele he had power over him. He finally looked up and faced him.  
Steele’s lip pulled up in a mean grin. “There might be another solution.”

“And what’s that?“

„Today’s your lucky day, my boy.” Steele folded his arms in front of his body and looked Daryl up and down. “I’ve decided I could use someone like you. You’re a little hard to control but I know just how to treat guys like you, believe me.”

Daryl’s eyes narrowed. “’m never gonna stay with you.“

“You might change your mind when you hear what’s at stake. Come with us and I’ll let your lover go. And the girl you claim to know. They get their car back and some supplies and they get free passage. I won’t look for your camp. We’ll move on. With you.“

Daryl’s head throbbed and made it hard to think clearly. Was it possible this was an actual offer? Was it worth thinking about or was Steele just playing mind-games? He was still standing way to close, making it hard for Daryl to concentrate. He frowned. “Why me?”

Steele reached out for him and this time Daryl couldn’t refrain from cringing when his hand came down on his shoulder, close to his neck, two fingers softly stroking along his collarbone. “I know you’re an asset in times like these, Daryl. You’re a true survivor. You could be very valuable to me.“

Daryl felt cold shivers run down his spine. He’d always thought that after all that had happened, there would be no way to make him leave Rick again, come what may. But what if this was the only way to get Rick out of here safe? He hated the way Steele touched him, it made him want to shrink back, because he sensed danger. But he couldn’t just decline the offer. “How’d I know you really let them go?”

“You can watch when I put them in the car and let them drive off. And you have my word. That’s as good as it will get, because the alternative is you all dyin’. Think about it. I’m offering a real opportunity here. As long as you work with us I won’t ever go after your precious Rick. Ain’t that somethin’? You’ll be the one who saved him.”

Daryl swallowed hard. “I don’t trust you.”

“You shouldn’t”. Steele grinned and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket. He lit one and took a deep drag. Then he held it to Daryl’s lips. Daryl turned his head away and Steele’s grin got broader. “But as long as you’re around me you know what I’m up to. That’s somethin’, right? I know you want to kill me. Wouldn’t comin‘ with me offer better opportunities?“

Daryl stared at Steele, full of hatred. He knew why Steele wanted him and it made him want to tear the whole room apart. Steele could sense his weakness, knew what kind of man he would become away from Rick and under his own influence. He could sense that Daryl was a kindred soul in some ways and he hated him for it. He needed Rick’s righteousness and his integrity. Being a part of Steele’s group would turn him. Still, Rick’s life was more important.

Daryl didn’t get a chance to answer though, because suddenly there was commotion from outside. Men shouting, shots ringing out. Daryl could make out the words “walkers” and “herd” and he didn’t need more to know what was going on.

Steele turned around on his heels. “Take him back to the bunker”, he commanded on his way to the door. “Chain him to the wall and lock the door.”

Daryl tried to see what was going on while he was led along hurriedly but he only saw armed men running for the motorbikes, before he was pushed into the darkness and chained to the wall again. The door fell shut behind him with finality.

“Daryl, are you alright?” Rick asked and Daryl could hear the strain in his voice. “What did he want?”

“Offered me to come with’em.”

Rick snorted. „Evil bastard. Did you tell him to fuck off?“

“He offered to let you and Beth go. But that’s not all, Rick. Apparently a herd is coming through.”

“There’s no way you’re ever taking him up on that offer, you hear? I’m not leaving you behind.” Rick’s voice was rough with rage.  
“Rick, didn’t you get what I said? They’re dealin’ with a herd right now!“

“I heard. And I also have something to tell you.” Rick got up, coming over to him. “I was able to tear my chain from the wall. It came lose.”

Daryl saw blood dripping from Rick’s wrist when he bowed down and stepped backwards over the chain to get his handcuffed hands in front of his body.

“Must’a hurt.”

„Well, yeah. But at least I’m free from the wall. Even though that’s not of much use as long as we’re locked up in here.“ He knelt down next to Daryl and brought his hands up to his face, cupping it. “How are you? Still in pain?”

Daryl shook his head. „Adrenalin’s completely taken over by now.“

He gave Daryl a short peck on the lips and despite everything Daryl felt a smile tugging at his lips. “Not really the time fer makin’ out now”, he said.  
“Right. Let’s see if I can get you free.” Rick inspected Daryl’s chain and pulled at it. He shook his head. “Seems completely solid to me. Mine must have already been loose.“

„Could break my thumbs.“

Rick shook his head. „I’m not going to hurt you. We’ll think of something else.“

He stopped talking when the door of the cellar was pushed open and somebody hurried to lock it behind him. Rick and Daryl were frozen to the spot but the man didn’t even turn around to look at them. Instead he leant against the door panting heavily. 

“Open the door, Steve, you asshole!” They could hear someone cry from the outside. “They’re coming! They’re going to get us!” There was scratching at the door now. „Open up you son of a bitch! They’ll eat us alive.“

Steve took a step away from the door, still staring at it. Rick silently moved towards him until he was right behind him. He raised his hands and brought them down around Steve’s neck in one quick smooth move. He pulled back and the chain of his handcuffs cut the other man’s air off. The struggle was short and desperate and then Steve dropped to the floor. Rick didn’t hesitate for a moment before searching him. In triumph he held up the key to the door and a gun a moment later. He also took a knife from Steve’s belt. From outside Daryl could hear screams and the sounds of fighting now. Then there was a bloodcurdling cry of pain and then nothing. Daryl didn’t need to hear more to know what had happened. He’d heard more than enough people being torn apart by now. Served the bastards right. 

Rick came back to his side. “I’m going out there”, he said. “I need to find the key to your handcuffs.”

Daryl shook his head. “It’s madness out there right now. Wait until the herd passed through.”

“You know as well as I do that chances I find the key will go down to zero if I wait. They’ll leave.”

Daryl knew that Rick was right but he didn’t want him to go out there. Just thinking about it made his guts churn. He needed Rick to stay safe. “Doesn’t matter. We’ll find a way.”

“What about Beth? They’ll take her.“

Leave it to Rick to find something to change his mind. He was right. They couldn’t leave Beth to her fate. Daryl leaned his head back against the wall. „Right then. Be careful.“

He knew already it would be hell to stay in here while Rick was out there alone, fighting his way through a herd of walkers. 

Rick moved forward to kiss him once again. “I’ll be back for you.”

Daryl shook his head. “If you have the chance just get out of here.”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.” Rick got up and moved towards the door. 

Yes, Daryl knew. As much as he wished that Rick would put himself first for once. He also knew that this cellar was going to be his grave if Rick didn’t come back. Then again, without Rick the whole world would be a grave to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there's going to be one more chapter for this story. Thanks to everyone who reviews or left kudos so far. You guys really rock. And thanks to my beta senema!


	8. Redemption

Daryl had been right, Rick thought when he stepped out through the door of their prison. It was hell out here. He took a step forward and pushed his knife through the head of a walker who was gnawing at the neck of a recently dead man. He also killed the victim and two more of the dead who were stumbling towards him before he even got a chance to take a look around. The place was swarming with walkers and apparently not the whole gang had been able to get away yet. There were still gunshots and the roaring of starting bikes close by. He made sure the door to the cellar behind him was securely looked. No walker would get through to Daryl. Then he grabbed his knife tight and looked around for Beth. He just hoped she hadn’t been forced to leave with part of the group already. 

Moving quick and constantly watching his surrounding he avoided the next group of walkers who were feeding on a half-eaten corpse. He would have to be careful. His still shackled hands were a drawback and he wouldn’t be able to keep two walkers in check at the same time like this. He moved over to one of the buildings from where he hoped to have a better overview and pressed close to the wall of the barrack. Where could Beth be?

Right at that moment he saw her. She was being dragged along by one of the men, possibly the same who had kept her in check when Rick and Daryl had met the group. He was taking out walkers with his gun while he pulled her towards the motorbikes. Beth stumbled along, trying to resist, even though there wasn’t really a chance for her. Rick ducked and ran to hide behind a car, moving closer to Beth, careful not to draw attention to himself. 

Rick anxiously asked himself how he should make himself known to her without her captor or any of the walkers noticing. He also saw Steele now, coming out of the building in which he’d interrogated them and move over to the bikes in haste. He was immediately attacked by a group of walkers but took them out with his knife effortlessly. As much as Rick hated the man he had to admit that he was quite efficient. Steele threw one look in the direction of their bunker and seemed to hesitate for a second. Then he jumped on his bike and gave a sign to his men. 

Rick saw that Beth had sat down behind her guard on the bike. There was nothing he could do if he didn’t want to endanger them both. As much as it pained him he would have to let her go. “Damn”, he whispered, biting his lip.

The machines roared to live right in time, because a group of walkers was already approaching with increasing speed. The bikes started and Rick, whose eyes were glued to Beth could see how she loosened her grip on the man in front of her and let herself fall back. She hit the ground hard, overturning twice before she lay still. The man looked around to her but didn’t stop. He followed Steele to the road. 

Walkers were approaching Beth fast. 

“Beth!” Rick called out, running over to her, without paying attention to any stray walkers or members from the gang. He had to get to her, quick.   
She sat up slowly and Rick thanked god she was alive. Crawling backwards she was trying to get away from the walkers, looking around for something to defend herself with. 

“Get out of there!” Rick shouted at her and she managed to get up on her feet. She turned around and stumbled over to the car Daryl and Rick had driven and that had apparently been left behind. She opened the door and got in, closing the door behind her not a moment too soon. Rick who had been focused on Beth hadn’t noticed that walkers had been approaching him from behind. A decaying hand grabbed his shoulder and he spun around, hitting the walking corpse in the face with his shackles and sticking his knife through his eyes socket, before it could even fall down. 

Luckily most of the walkers had been drawn by the sound of the departing bikes and were now stumbling down the road, futilely following them. Rick felt worn when he moved over to the car. His head was aching and his wrists gave him hell. He was breathing hard. But he had to pull himself together. One by one he took out the walkers that were gathered around the car, scratching at the windows, pressing their foul faces to the glass, trying to get to Beth. He had almost made it, when the last two turned around to face him at the same time, stretching out hands with blackened nails. He stumbled backwards, raising the bloody knife again, trying to decide which one to kill first. In that moment the car door opened and Beth got out. She grabbed one of the walkers from behind and pulled it towards the door. Then she threw it shut, just when its head was stuck right in the door opening. 

“Learned that from Daryl”, she panted. And then she lunged at Rick, throwing her arms around him. He held her for a moment and pressed her head to his shoulder. “So glad you’re alive” he whispered. “How could you just jump off that bike?”

She took a step back and looked up at him, her blue eyes wide, a scratch on her pale cheek. “Couldn’t leave you two behind. Is Daryl alright? Do you know anything about my sister?“

„They’re both fine.“ 

Beth bit her lip, tears in her eyes. “Oh god…”

Rick turned around when he heard the familiar groaning and shuffling of feet. “We have to get out of here. Now. You stay in the car and keep the doors shut. I’ll get Daryl.”

Beth nodded and got back in. 

Even though Rick still had no idea how he was going to free Daryl from the wall he moved back to the barracks quickly. Most of the remaining walkers were busy feeding but they would become dangerous again soon. He could only hope that he would be able to find some kind of tool he could use in one of the buildings. He had to concentrate hard now because his vision was swimming. There was a pounding behind his eyes from being hit on the head and his bleeding wrists were giving him hell. His mind only focused on one thing, though: Getting to Daryl.

He thought that Steele’s headquarters were probably his best bet. Clutching his knife, he quickly moved over to the barrack, entering slowly, watching for anything still moving inside. But he was lucky this time. The building was empty. And he actually found a stash of tools in the next room. There were no weapons. Steele and his men had obviously taken everything. There was a hatchet, though and right now that was more important than weapons. He put the knife in his belt and clutched the small axe tightly before he moved back to where he’d left Daryl behind.

Rick had some difficulty opening the door to the bunker, because his hands were shaking now and the blood made them slippery so that he almost dropped the key. He had to lean against the cold iron of the door for a moment before he was finally able to get the key into the lock. 

He heard the rustling of chains immediately when he opened the door. “Daryl, you okay?”

“Yeah. What about you?“ Daryl’s voice sounded dark, strained and Rick could only imagine what he’d been through left behind in the dark, chained and without any idea what was going on outside.

“I’m fine”, Rick moved over to him, stretched out his hands to touch his shoulders, as if making sure Daryl was really still there and they had a chance to get out of this alive. “Found Beth.”

Daryl moved closer to him, drawn to Rick like a magnet to another. „That’s good news.“

Rick allowed himself to burrow his head into Daryl’s shoulder for a moment, breathe in his salty scent and kiss his neck. Then he pulled back. They didn’t have time for this now, even if he desperately needed to be close to Daryl. “Found this.” He held up the hatchet. „I’ll split the chain. We need to get to Beth. We’ll find a way to get rid of the shackles at the farm.“

Daryl nodded.

It took three blows for Rick to get Daryl free from the wall. His hands were still chained just like Rick’s though and they didn’t have time to do anything about it. He noticed that Daryl almost lost his balance when he got up and put an arm around him. “We’re gonna make it”, he whispered. “I’ll get you out of here.“

„‘s’it bad out there?“ Daryl asked, nodding in the direction of the door. 

“Most of them are feeding or followed the bikes”, Rick said. “Need to be careful though.” He handed Daryl the knife while he kept the axe.

While most of the walkers were occupied like Rick had said there was no way of avoiding being followed by some of them when they made their way back to that car and Beth. 

“Key’s gone”, Rick said. “How much time will you need to short-circuit it?”

Daryl looked at the walkers slowly forming a loose circle around them that constantly became narrower. “Two minutes”, he said. “Can you hold them off that long?”

“Of course.” Rick’s chest was heaving. He felt utterly exhausted and sweat was dripping into his eyes from his forehead. But they were so close to escaping and like always in situations that were lethal, something else inside of him took over. Something that was icier and harder than his usual self. You might call it survival instinct. Or maybe it was just cold rage. Anyway he turned around to face the walkers, teeth gritted, eyes blazing. He didn’t even really know what he was doing anymore when he took them out one after the other. He only saw dangling limbs, empty eyes and decaying teeth and it made him want to kill every last one of them. Because what he really needed from this world was a chance to be with Daryl. To be able to build some kind of life with him and he wanted to destroy everything that stood in their way. 

And then Beth was next to him with a knife in her hand. He wanted to tell her to get back into the car but he knew that he needed her. Being handcuffed made things extremely difficult and they were almost surrounded now. His whole body was aching with the strain. He turned to Beth for a moment. “Stay by my side.” She nodded.  
Rick was panting now, the sweat stinging in his eyes and he didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. They just kept coming. It never stopped and they were grabbing for him, their fingers forming into claws. And his vision was swimming again so that he stumbled backwards. And then he heard the engine roar to life and Daryl was suddenly beside him, pulling him away from the teeth and hands and the terrible stench and back into the car. Beth crawled onto the backseat, shutting the door behind her and then they were going. Daryl ran over one of the walkers who got into their way and then they were finally free. Rick brought his bloody hands to his face, pushing his hair back and leant back into his seat. “You alright, Beth?” he asked.

“Fine”, she answered from the backseat, sounding as exhausted as Rick felt. „O god, we made it. Never thought I’d see you again. Never thought I’d see Maggie again.” 

When Rick looked over to Daryl the other man caught his eyes and there was a small smile on his lips. 

*

The first to see the car when they rolled up to the farm was Carl. He had obviously been sitting on the banister of the verandah, looking in the direction of the street and Rick’s heart clenched when he thought that Carl had probably been waiting for them all the time, never giving up hope.

Rick got out immediately when Daryl stopped the car and opened his arms for Carl who was running towards them. Carl hugged him, losing his father’s hat he’d been wearing in the process. He buried his face in Rick’s shirt and Rick had to swallow hard, his eyes tearing up when he held his son tight. 

“I knew you’d be back”, Carl said and Rick could hear that he was trying very hard not to cry. “I just knew.”

Then Tyreese stepped out of the house with Judith in his arms and walked over to them and Rick almost missed Beth’s and Maggie’s reunion because he was able to hold his baby girl in his arms again. He took her from Tyreese and held her close to his chest, breathing in her wonderfully sweet scent that never failed to amaze him. Carl was still right next to him, one arm around his waist and when Rick looked up he saw Michonne who was smiling at them. 

Suddenly missing something he turned around. Daryl was standing close to Carol who had a hand on his arm but he was throwing glances in Rick’s direction. And Rick never again wanted Daryl to stand apart when he was with his family. He was part of it now. He nodded for him to come over and Daryl understood. He patted Carol on the arm and slowly, almost careful moved over to Rick, who put one hand on his shoulder and locked eyes with him. Daryl stroked his arm a little awkwardly; apparently unsure of himself and all Rick wanted to do was to kiss him. He knew though that it would take time for them to come to that point and so he just brought their heads together for a moment.

 

Epilogue 

Rick stretched his body under the sheets of the bed in the upstairs room he had retreated to. Most of the others preferred to stay downstairs in the biggest room together but he’d declared he needed a bit of quiet. The day had been filled with preparations to leave the farm. They would be headed to Washington tomorrow. After Beth had returned to the group there was no reason to stay here and they all wanted to keep the group together.

He was still overwhelmed that they had all made it back safely to the group but there was something that bothered him. He hadn’t had a moment alone with Daryl since they had returned two days ago. Daryl had listened to the others and rested for one day because of his concussion. Then he had gone out hunting again to provide their much needed food. There had been looks between him and Rick, sometimes innocent touches and Daryl had stroked the back of his hand once, sending shivers up Rick’s arm. 

It hadn’t been enough to make any of the others notice. They’d always been close after all and it was normal for them to sit next to each other by the fire and help each other out with small tasks during the day. Still Rick thought that Michonne might notice something had changed between them. He felt her eyes linger on him sometimes when he talked to Daryl quietly. 

Rick rubbed his wrists that were still sore. Tyreese had been able to pry their handcuffs open with a strong set of pliers but the skin would need a while to heal. The pain wasn’t enough to take his thoughts away from more pressing matters however. 

It was so good to be back with the group but he missed being able to be as close to Daryl as he wanted to be, missed kissing him. The problem was he wasn’t sure if Daryl felt the same way. He wasn’t exactly distant but it was clear that he didn’t want to display their new closeness in front of the others and it frustrated Rick. It wasn’t only that he missed Daryl. There was a physical need for the other man inside of him that grew stronger with each passing hour. He couldn’t look at him anymore without thinking about pushing the too long strands of hair away from the nape of his neck and kissing it. He ached for the salty taste of Daryl’s skin, for his overwhelming scent of leather and wood with the slight note of gasoline. 

Truth was he had come up to this room in the hope that Daryl would follow him after checking the grounds one last time with Michonne. The others had voted for them to stay off watch duty tonight once more and rest after their turmoil. And so they had a whole night to themselves. If Daryl didn’t show up soon however, Rick would have to do something about his aching erection. It was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He slowly moved a hand beneath the covers when he heard heavy boots on the stairs. He bit his lower lip and moaned lightly. Daryl was coming.

Sure enough the door opened a moment later and Daryl walked in, quiet as a ghost.

Rick sat up a little. “I hoped you’d come here.”

„Couldn’t sleep?“ Daryl put his crossbow on the nightstand close to the bed. He shrugged out of his vest and threw it over a chair.

Rick nodded.

“Still too riled up?”

“Too horny’s more like it.” Rick surprised himself with his boldness. Wasn’t like him to be this direct. And Daryl, according to the look he shot him, was equally shocked. Then again Rick felt they didn’t have any more time to lose. They’d both been beating around the bush for far too long, losing precious time they could have spent together.

Daryl recovered quickly. “Oh yeah?” he rasped and toed off his boots before crawling into bed next to Rick. Rick’s whole body pressed up against Daryl’s, welcoming him under the covers. He was feverishly hot and his breath quickened rapidly when he felt the muscles under Daryl’s shirt contracting. Daryl pulled him closer. 

“Should do somethin’ about that.”

“Hell yes”, Rick moaned. “Been waiting for this all day.”

Daryl’s hands roamed over Rick’s body, trying to give him what he needed. “All day?” he whispered close to Rick’s ear.

Rick closed his eyes, swallowing hard. “I wanted to feel you next to me.” It felt weird to talk like this. He’d never done it before and it made his heart pound with excitement. It also felt strangely liberating as if he was able to let something out that had always been hidden deep inside of him. He was painfully hard and Daryl’s erection pressed against his thigh. They moved against each other, seeking relief. It was almost too much already and he groaned loudly.

He feverishly started to open Daryl’s shirt, because suddenly he wanted to feel his skin against his own. His fingers moving quick and impatient, nearly ripping off some of the buttons but Daryl didn’t seem to care. His whole body seemed to vibrate when Rick finally pushed the shirt back. Rick couldn’t resist and lowered his hand to the bulge in Daryl’s pants, causing the other man to hiss and grab Rick’s shoulder. Rick slowly moved his hand and relished the way Daryl’s face contorted with pleasure, a deep moan vibrating low in his throat. Rick moved closer to kiss him and felt his now bare chest heaving, his breathing rapid and low. 

Rick felt overwhelmed and for a moment he could hardly believe this was really happening. Could there really be anything as perfect and glorious as this in the world they were forced to live in? However had he deserved this?

“You’re gorgeous”, he whispered.

That however seemed to throw Daryl off. He opened his eyes and even moved away a little, unconsciously. “’m not”, he whispered, putting a hand on Rick’s cheek. “You are. Don’t deserve you.” Rick was totally amazed by the honesty and openness in Daryl’s gaze. He couldn’t believe that Daryl really thought he was the lucky one in this relationship. How was that even possible?

“You still don’t see what you are to me”, he whispered. “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

Daryl lowered his gaze. “’s enough that you see somethin’ in me.”

Rick pulled him back into his arms. He knew that words wouldn’t convince Daryl. But they had time. They had time and he would show him what he apparently couldn’t tell him.

He slowly opened Daryl’s belt, his fingers brushing his erection, tearing another moan from Daryl’s throat that sent shivers down his spine. Daryl’s hands grabbed Rick’s shoulders and he pulled him in for a hungry, almost violent kiss, taking Rick’s breath away.

He finally tore away from the kiss, panting and looked Daryl into the eyes. “I want you”, he whispered. “Want you inside me.”

Even in the dark he could see Daryl blush. His lips moved as if he wanted to say something but he couldn’t get the words out.

Rick kissed his jawbone, Daryl’s stubble tickling his lips in a way he’d come to love. “I want to feel you.”

Daryl swallowed. “It’s gonna hurt.”

“I don’t mind. I want to know what it’s like.”

Daryl’s hand softly stroked along his neck. “You sure?”

Rick nodded. “There’s lotion on the night stand.”

Daryl’s eyes wandered over to the small container. “You planned this?”

Rick smiled nervously. “Kind of.”

Daryl didn’t protest anymore and Rick was glad about it. He was more nervous about it than he wanted to admit to himself. But then Daryl took the lotion and then carefully and thoroughly started preparing him. And when he felt Daryl’s fingers inside of him every doubt or silent fear he might have had left him and all he felt was warmth and the wonderful sensation of letting everything else go. He had never been able to relax since long before the apocalypse and only now did he notice how tense he was. Finally his body let go and there was nothing apart from Daryl’s careful fingers stretching the tight ring of muscle.

And when Daryl finally moved over him and looked down on him one last time, Rick could only nod, because there were no words left inside of him. Yes, it hurt when Daryl entered him but in this moment it was exactly what he needed. He wanted Daryl to be everything, wanted his body to remember him for a long time. Daryl was careful and slow at first and Rick could feel him shivering. He himself was shaking, sweating and clawing at Daryl’s back. And then after a while he could feel the passion rise inside of Daryl and he felt that it became more difficult for the other man to hold back, to control himself. He was moaning, his hips bucking forward, biting his lips.

“It’s okay Daryl”, Rick panted. “You can … you can move.”

Daryl did and Rick felt heat rise inside of him, washing the pain away, freeing him from everything that wasn’t Daryl’s touch and his movements deep inside of him. And finally his hips rose to meet him and together they kept a rhythm that seemed to move through their blood. 

Rick needed release and he moved his hand between their bodies, because he desperately wanted to come like this. He grabbed his erection but Daryl’s hand moved over his and Rick let gomoaning deeply when Daryl began to stroke him.

Coming had never felt like this. This consuming, this perfect. He went rigid and then his whole body shook and he threw his head back, crying out. And Daryl’s cry answered his own when he came, buried deep inside of Rick.

Rick’s tense muscles relaxed only gradually and he thought that he wouldn’t mind remaining in this state for a very long time. He felt empty and worn but in a good way. Daryl was right next to him, his hand on Rick’s chest and Rick could hear him breathing. He’d never felt like this after sex with anyone. This content, this completed.

“Will you stay here right next to me tonight?” he whispered. “Will you sleep here?”

“Of course”, Daryl’s voice was coarse and Rick smiled when he closed his eyes because he somehow knew that Daryl would stay awake, watching over him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to all of you for reading, leaving kudos or commenting. And thanks for being such a wonderful fandom. I never thought I'd post more than one or two short stories, but you've been so supportive and encouraging. You made me love writing this paring even more.


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